IN PRAISE OF OLDER WOMEN - Men and women jokes

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(which in our society means over 25)

An older woman can wear any hat she chooses and  nobody will laugh. A younger woman wearing the  same hat will always look like a lampshade in a  brothel.    An older woman will never wake you up in the  middle of the night to ask you, 'What are you  thinking?' An older woman doesn't care what you  think.    An older woman always carries a purse full of  emergency supplies. Young women go hungry and  bleed to death every time there's a natural  disaster.    An older woman always carries a condom in her  purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy  might have one on him.    An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman  will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will  sleep with you after a cup of a herbal tea.    An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during  the day without looking like she just had an  adventure inside a jam jar. This is not true of  younger women or drag queens.    Older women can run faster because they're always  wearing sensible shoes.    An older woman is into free sex! An older woman is  almost always already attached to someone, so  there's no need to develop a phobia about  committing to her. The last thing she needs in her  life is another clingy, whiny, dependent lover!    Older women are more honest. An older woman will  tell you that you are an XXXXXXX if you're acting  like one. A young woman will say nothing, just in  case it means you might break up with her. An  older woman puts herself on a pedestal.    If you act immature enough and hang around long  enough, an older woman will just mistake you for  another one of her children and let you live at  her house rent-free. Older women can afford to  support you.    An older woman will never get pregnant and then  suddenly demand that the two of you get married.  In fact, if you impregnate an older woman, you  will probably be the last to know...    Older women have jobs with dental plans. Younger  women can't help you when your teeth get knocked  out playing hockey.    An older woman will never accuse you of 'using  her.'  She's using you.    Older women take charge of the situation. An older  woman will call you up and ask you for a date. A  younger woman will wait forever, by the phone, for you to call...    Older woman know how to cook. Young women know how to dial 967-1111.    An older woman will introduce you to all of her girlfriends. A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends when she's with you, in case you get any ideas...    Older women are psychic. You never have to confess to having an affair, because somehow they always know.    Older woman often own an interesting collection of lingerie that they have acquired from admirers over the years. Young women often don't wear underpants at all, thus practically eliminating all possibility of a strip-tease.    An older woman will agree to go to McDonald's with you for a meal. Younger women are too nervous to eat anything in front of somebody that they might possibly burp later.    Older women are dignified. They are beyond having a screaming match with you in the middle of the night in a public park.    Older women are experienced. They understand that sometimes, after 12 beers, a boy just can't get it up. A younger woman may need some time to grasp this fact.    An older woman has lots of girlfriends... and most of them will want to boff you too.    An older woman will always meet the minimum height requirement to go on an amusement ride.    An older woman will never accuse you of stealing the best years of her youth because chances are someone else has stolen them first.