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new office supplies
 
 
The little church in the suburbs suddenly stopped buying from its regular office supply dealer. So, the dealer telephoned Deacon Brown to ask why.

"I'll tell you why," shouted Deacon Brown. "Our church ordered some pencils from you to be used in the pews for visitors to register."

"Well, interrupted the dealer, "didn't you receive them yet?"

"Oh, we received them all right," replied Deacon Brown.

"However, you sent us some golf pencils...each stamped with the words, `Play Golf Next Sunday.'"

what are the pictures?
 
 
A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls.

When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, "Who are all those men in the pictures?"

The usher replied, "Why, those are our boys who died in the service".

Dumbfounded, the youngster asked, "Was that the morning service or the evening service?"

a little girl wants to go
 
 
A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.

"Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?"

"No" her mother replied.

"Well, I think I have to throw up!"

"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."

In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.

"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.

"Yes" the little girl replied.

"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"

"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'."

bloopers in the church
 
 
The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.

11. "Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on 'It's a Terrible Experience'."

12. "Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice."

13. "Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM. Please use large double door at the side entrance."

14. "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."

15. "The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."

16. "A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday."

17. "Today's Sermon: 'How Much Can a Man Drink?' with hymns from a full choir."

18. On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: "God is good - Dr. Hargreaves is better."

19. "Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow."

20. "The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church."

21. "Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones."

22. "The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir."

23. A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.

24. Please join us as we show our suport for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.


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