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school jokes


student proverbs
 
 
A FIRST GRADE TEACHER collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.


As you shall make your bed so shall you..........mess it up.
Better be safe than......................punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the ..............................bug is close.
It's always darkest before............daylight savings time.
You can lead a horse to water but.......................how?
Don't bite the hand that........................looks dirty.
A miss is as good as a...................................Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new.........................math.
If you lie down with the dogs, you'll..stink in the morning.
The pen is mightier than the...........................pigs.
An idle mind is.......................the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke, there's......................pollution.
Happy the bride who...................gets all the presents.
A penny saved is...................................not much.
Two's company, three's.......................the musketeers.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you,
cry and..........................you have to blow your nose.
Children should be seen and not.........spanked or grounded.
When the blind leadeth the blind.........get out of the way.

geography class
 
 
Teacher: What is the axis of the earth?

Student: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves.

Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line?

Student: Yes, Sir.

Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes?

Student: Imaginary clothes, Sir.

tell who i am
 
 
It was the final examination for an introductory Biology course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 500 students in the class!

The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. Half of an hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.

"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.

"Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. An hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late."

The student looked incredulous and angry.

"Do you know who I am?"

"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.

"Do you know who I am?" the student asked again in a louder voice.

"No, and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of superiority.

"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.

kids' perspective
 
 
Kids' Views on School

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm wasting my time," she said to her mother.

"I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let me talk!"


On the way home from the first day of school, the father asked his son, "What did you do at school today?"

The little boy shrugged his shoulders and said, "Nothing".

Hoping to draw his son into conversation, the father persisted and said, "Well, did you learn about any numbers, study certain letters, or maybe a particular color?"

The perplexed child looked at his father and said, "Daddy, didn't you go to school when you were a little boy?"


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