50 THINGS TO DO IN A MALL - Whatever jokes

Jokes » whatever » 50 things to do in a mall

50 THINGS TO DO IN A MALL
1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.   
2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack. 
4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and  helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.
5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream 'MY  SHOELACES! AAAGH!'   
6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store  whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles.
    7. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that  makes them unsalable.   
8. Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King...   
9. ...but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell  people that they're 'astronaut food'.   
10. Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while  reading aloud from 'Dianetics.'   
11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War I.   
12. Ask a salesman why a particular TV is  labeled black and white and insist that it's a  color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange  look and say, 'You mean you really can't see it?'   
13. Construct a new porch deck in the tool  department of Sears.   
14. Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose  as a fashion dummy in clothes departments,  occasionally screaming without warning.   
15. Test mattresses in your pajamas.   
16. Ask the tobaccanist if his hovercraft is full  of eels.   
17. If you're patient, stare intently into a  surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from  side to side.   
18. Sprint up the down escalator.   
19. Stare at static on a display TV and challenge  other shoppers whether they, too, can see the  'hidden picture'.   
20. Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs  that play only in Spanish.   
21. Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda.   
22. Ask a salesperson in the hardware department  how well a particular saw cuts through bone.   
23. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk  discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much  meat on them.   
24. Hula dance by the demonstration air  conditioner. 
25. Ask for red-tinted lenses at the optometrist.   
26. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter  and spray *them* with your own bottle of Eau de  Swane.
27. Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the  candy store, insisting that you lost a contact  lens.   
28. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of  panties matches the color of your beard.   
29. In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong  voice, 'I see London, I see ...'   
30. Leave on the plastic string connecting a new  pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking  two-inch steps.   
31. Play the tuba for change.   
32. Ask the Hammond organ dealer if he can play  'Jesus Built My Hotrod'.   
33. Record belches on electronic sampling  keyboards, and perform gastric versions of Jingle  Bells for admiring onlookers.   
34. Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which  leading cold remedy will 'give you a really wicked  buzz'.   
35. Ask the personnel at Pier 1 Imports whether  they have 'any giant crap made out of straw'.   
36. 'Toast' plastic gag hot dogs in front of the  fake fireplace display.   
37. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand  them out as religious tracts.   
38. Ask the information desk for a stroller, and  someone to push you around in it.   
39. Change every TV in the electronics department  to a station showing 'Saved by the Bell'. Chant  the dialogue in a robotic voice, and scream if  anyone tries to switch channels on one of the  sets.   
40. Hang out in the waterbed section of the  furniture department wearing a Navy uniform.  Occasionally run around in circles yelling  'scratch one flattop!'   
41. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing  room attendant and scornfully announce that none  of them are 'leakproof'.   
42. 'Play' the demo modes of video games at the  arcade. Make lots of explosion noises. 
  43. Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing  your head up and down.   
44. Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar  bills to provoke arguments over whether they're  real.   
45. If it's Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit  on *your* lap.   
46. Answer any unattended service phones that ring  in department stores and say 'Domino's.'   
47. Try on flea collars at the pet store while  occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.   
48. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your  back permed.   
49. Show people your driver's license and demand  to know 'whether they've seen this man.'   
50. Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return  fifteen minutes later, fish it out of your mouth,  and demand to know why it hasn't turned blue yet.