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aviation jokes


what just happened?
 
 
A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. They throw out a pistol. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. So they throw out a rifle. "More!" he cries again. They heave out a missile, and the pilot regains control.

He pulls out of the dive and lands safely at an airport. They get into a jeep and drive off. Pretty soon they meet a boy on the side of the road who's crying. They ask him why he's crying and he says "A pistol hit me on the head!"

They drive more and meet another boy who's crying even harder. Again they ask why and the boy says, "A rifle hit me on the head!"

They apologize and keep driving. They meet a boy on the sidewalk who's laughing hysterically. They ask him, "Kid, what's so funny?" The boy replies, "I sneezed and a house blew up!"

a no-frills airline
 
 
You'll Know It's a No-Frills Airline If:

  1. They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.

  2. All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.

  3. Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.

  4. If you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back.

  5. You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.

  6. Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.

  7. The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.

  8. When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.

  9. The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.

  10. You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he sez, "Just once."

  11. No movie. Don't need one.

  12. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.

  13. You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane.

  14. All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.

give a first class seat
 
 
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."

The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.

The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."

world may be happy
 
 
Bill Clinton, Hillary Ramrod Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper Gore are flying aboard Air Force 1 on their way to visit the Communists to share their success stories about taxing Americans.

Bill: "Why don't I throw this hundred dollar bill out the window and make someone very happy."

Hillary: "Well, why don't you throw ten hundred dollar bills out the window and make ten people happy."

Al: "Why don't you two jump out the window and make me and Tipper happy."

Tipper: "Why don't we all jump out the window and make everybody throughout the United States and world happy."


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