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bragging about japan
There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.

The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!"

There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"

you are from canada
You know your from Manitoba, Canada, when....

  1. You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.

  2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

  3. The mosquitoes have landing lights.

  4. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.

  5. You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.

  6. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

  7. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.

  8. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

  9. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

  10. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

  11. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.

  12. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.

  13. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

  14. Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.

  15. You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.

  16. You head south to go to your cottage.

  17. You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.

  18. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

  19. The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo - it's sausage making.

  20. You find -40C a little chilly.

  21. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.

  22. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels.

  23. You can play road hockey on skates.

  24. You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.

  25. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.

  26. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Northern friends.

trapped within a bog
Paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered by.

"Help!" Paddy shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!" Don't worry," assured Mick. "Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there."

Mick leaned out and grabbed Paddy's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Paddy, "Shure, an' Oi can't do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get some help."

As Mick was leaving, Paddy called "Mick! Mick! D'ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups?"

caught by a local tribe
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.

The Englishman says, "a pistol for me please." The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, "My God, what are you doing?"

And the New Yorker responds, "So much for your canoe you stupid cannibal!

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