I GET NO RESPECT 01 - Funny one liners jokes

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I GET NO RESPECT 01
"Good crowd...good crowd.  I'm telling you I could use a good  crowd. I'm ok now but last week I was in rough shape... Why?  I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."

"I come from a stupid family.  During the Civil War my great Uncle fought for the west!"

"My father was stupid.  He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens."

"When I was born..the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father...I'm very sorry.  We did everything we could...but he pulled through."

"My mother had morning sickness after I was born."

"My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet."

"When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up."

"I could tell that my parents hated me.  My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

"What a dog I got.  His favorite bone is in my arm!"