STEVEN WRIGHT 17 - Funny one liners jokes

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STEVEN WRIGHT 17
For a while I didn't have a car...  I had a helicopter...  No place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running...  [Slow glance upward.]

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

I play the harmonica.  The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.  I've been arrested three times for practicing.

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out.  Now my car goes 500 miles per hour.  The harmonica sounds *amazing*.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.

I had to stop driving my car for a while...  The tires got dizzy.

My neighbor has a circular driveway...  He can't get out.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.  You couldn't park anywhere near the place.