lawyer jokes jokes

Jokes » lawyer jokes » jokes 16

lawyer jokes


what a great bargain
 
 
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty, and many people donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. "Only a shilling?" said the Justice, "Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury twenty more of them."

leave money for dead
 
 
A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend. In his grief, one of the three said, "In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they'll have something to spend over there."

They all agreed that this was appropriate. The banker dropped a hundred dollar bill into the casket, and the car salesman did the same. The lawyer took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.

unfit words to hear
 
 
A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. "Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them," instructed the lawyer.

The witness hesitated. "But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear," she protested.

"Then," said the attorney, "just whisper them to the judge."

question and answer
 
 
Q: How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
A: Never enough.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: How many can you afford?

Q: Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer?
A: You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you'd been there eight hours.

Q: What's the difference between a law firm and a circus?
A: At a circus, the clowns don't charge the public by the hour.

Q: Did you hear about the lawyer hurt in an accident?
A: An ambulance stopped suddenly.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they'd rather keep their clients in the dark.

Q: What do lawyers do after they die?
A: They lie still.


Page 17 of 25     «« Previous | Next »»