lawyer jokes jokes

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lawyer jokes


it's your wife's name?
 
 
St. Peter is questioning three married couples to see if they qualify for admittance to heaven.

"Why do you deserve to pass the Pearly Gates?" he asks one of the men, who had been a butler.

"I was a good father," he answers.

"Yes, but you were a drunk all your life. In fact, you were so bad you even married a woman named Sherry. No admittance."

St. Peter then turned to the next man, a carpenter, and asked him the same question.

The carpenter replied that he had worked hard and taken good care of his family.

But St. Peter also rejected him, pointing out that he had been an impossible glutton, so much so that he married a woman named BonBon.

At this point the third man, who had been a lawyer, stood up and said, "Come on, Penny, let's get out of here."

leave money for dead
 
 
A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend. In his grief, one of the three said, "In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they'll have something to spend over there."

They all agreed that this was appropriate. The banker dropped a hundred dollar bill into the casket, and the car salesman did the same. The lawyer took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.

question and answer
 
 
Q: How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
A: Never enough.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: How many can you afford?

Q: Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer?
A: You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you'd been there eight hours.

Q: What's the difference between a law firm and a circus?
A: At a circus, the clowns don't charge the public by the hour.

Q: Did you hear about the lawyer hurt in an accident?
A: An ambulance stopped suddenly.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they'd rather keep their clients in the dark.

Q: What do lawyers do after they die?
A: They lie still.

unfit words to hear
 
 
A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. "Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them," instructed the lawyer.

The witness hesitated. "But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear," she protested.

"Then," said the attorney, "just whisper them to the judge."


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