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lawyer jokes


seashore with family
 
 
A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with his family.

Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up in the water and fainted.

"Darling, it was just a shark," assured his wife when he came to.

"You've got to stop imagining that there are lawyers everywhere."

offer legal advice
 
 
Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant.

The judge ordered Taylor, "You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can."

After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone.

When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, "You asked me to give him good advice. I found out that he was guilty, so I told him to split."

who are you talking to?
 
 
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't heard the question.

"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.

The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."

"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

when he stops drinking
 
 
A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket and ordered a double scotch.

A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, the man told the bartender he'd had enough.

The bartender said, "I've got to ask you. What's with the pocket business?"

"Oh," said the man, "I have my lawyer's picture in here, and when he starts to look honest, I know I've had enough."


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