HUMAN RESOURCE LINGO - Whatever jokes

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HUMAN RESOURCE LINGO
 

"COMPETITIVE SALARY
We remain   competitive by paying less than our competitors.

 

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY
We   have no time to train you.

 

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE
We don't   pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.

 

"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED
You'll   be six months behind schedule on your first day.

 

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED
Some time   each night and some time each weekend.

 

"DUTIES WILL VARY
Anyone in the   office can boss you around.

 

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL
We   have no quality control.

 

"CAREER-MINDED
Female Applicants   must be childless (and remain that way).

 

"APPLY IN PERSON
If you're old,   fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

 

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE
We've   filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

 

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE
  You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

 

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST
  You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

 

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS
  You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

 

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS
  Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.