TRUE NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS - Whatever jokes

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer

AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR     WHO SELDOM WASHED.

SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY     DAYS.

FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART     DOG

2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1     3-finger, PAIR: $15

TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH     IT'S OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800

COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL     FOR SALE.

83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000

STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15

FREE PUPPIES: COCKER SPANIEL - SNEAKY     NEIGHBOR'S DOG

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD.     UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.

SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL     TISSUE 89 cents

GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS     GERMAN. FREE.

FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR. WARRANTY. LIKE     NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.

FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE     OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.

FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN)     - $50

NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED CALL CHUBBIE

BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL     AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"

SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS

FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT...     BEEN OUT AWHILE.. BETTER BE REWARD.

HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER "IF     IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"

GET A LITTLE JOHN: THE TRAVELING URINAL     HOLDS 2 BOTTLES OF BEER.

HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB

GEORGIA PEACHES - CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89     cents lb.

NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE     SLIGHTLY STAINED

FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.

AMERICAN FLAG 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100

TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE     OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.

NOTICE: TO THE PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK     THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE: PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE     CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY ARE DEAD.

EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS     & BOX SPRINGS - $175.

OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE     OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER     & DRYER $300.

LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.

ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO     REMEMBER

GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.

GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.

BAR S SLICED BOLOGNA REGULAR OR TASTY SAVE     30 CENTS ON 2

OPEN HOUSE BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON FREE     COFFEE & DONUTS

KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box

FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.