doctor doctor jokes jokes

Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone.
Are you choking?
No, I really did!

Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses
You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!

Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
Use a pencil ‘till I get there

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell?
Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu!
Didn't I see you yesterday?

Doctor, Doctor I've got wind! Can you give me something?
Yes - here's a kite!

Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?!
Stick your foot out and trip it up!

Doctor, Doctor I tend to flush a lot.
Don't worry it's just a chain reaction!

Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a bee
Buzz off can't you see I'm busy?

Doctor these pills you gave me for BO...
What's wrong with them?
They keep slipping out from under my arms!

Doctor, Doctor everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage.
Don't talk rubbish!

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a sheep.
That's baaaaaaaaaad!

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a bee.
Well buzz off I'm busy!

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a mosquito
Go away, sucker!

Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork.
Patient: That's because you've got your hand on my watch!

Doctor, Doctor I've had tummy ache since I ate three crabs yesterday.
Did they smell bad when you took them out of their shells?
What do you mean "took them out of their shells!"

Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me.
Next please!

Doctor, Doctor, some days I feel like a tee-pee and other days I feel like a wig-wam.
You're too tents.

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.
But I'm not allowed up on the couch!

Doctor, Doctor I've a split personality
Well, you'd better both sit down then!

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a nit
Will you get out of my hair!

Doctor Doctor I think I'm a moth.
So why did you come around then?
Well, I saw this light at the window...!

Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee
Have you tried taking the spoon out?

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a spoon!
Well sit still and don't stir!

Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
I'll deal with you later.

Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache?
Of course. Just take this hammer and hit yourself in the head. Then you'll have a bad headache.

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking there is two of me
One at a time please

Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots?
I never make rash promises!