funny ads jokes

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

March Planned For Next August

Blind Bishop Appointed To See

Lingerie Shipment Hijacked--Thief Gives Police The Slip

L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide

Patient At Death's Door--Doctors Pull Him Through

Latin Course To Be Canceled--No Interest Among Students, Et Al.

Diaper Market Bottoms Out

Croupiers On Strike--Management: "No Big Deal"

Stadium Air Conditioning Fails--Fans Protest

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

Cancer Society Honors Marlboro Man

Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy

Autos Killing 110 a Day--Let's Resolve to Do Better

20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar

War Dims Hope For Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation

Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Found written on the wall in front of a photocopier of a company going through hardships : " DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE - XEROX YOUR PAYCHECKS "

At a car dealership in Maryland to announce new seat belt legislation: "Belt your family. It's the law."

Seen while traveling in the Yucatan Peninsula: "Broken English spoken perfectly"

At an Applebee's restaraunt: "NOTICE: AFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! A new 6% tax will be charged for the cost of collecting taxes!"

Fitness Center sign: "Self Esteem is feeling good about yourself - regardless of the facts."

In restaurant: "Open seven days a week and weekends."

On the freeway in Boston during a MAJOR transformation of the streets and bridges, etc: "Rome wasn't built in a day. If it was we would have hired their contractor."

A sign in front of an advertising agency in south superhighway, Philippines: "A BUSINESS WITH NO SIGN IS A SIGN OF NO BUSINESS"

A sign in front of a Macadamia Nut Factory in Hawaii: "Caution: Nuts crossing road."

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."

In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."

On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.-Sisters of Mercy"

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same spot."

In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."

In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."

In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy."

In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."

In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center"