funny ads jokes

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign in a Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

Sign in the window of a Swedish furrier: "Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin."

Sign on the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: "Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life."

Detour sign in Kobe, Japan: "Stop: Drive Sideways."

Sign in a Swiss mountain inn: "Special today -- no ice cream."

Sign in a Copenhagen airline ticket office: "We take your bags and send them in all directions."

Sign on the door of a Moscow hotel room: "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."

Sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign on a Norfolk farm: "Trespassers beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser. The ninth one just left."

Sign seen in London department store: "Bargain Basement Upstairs"

Sign seen in the vicinity of Victoria Station: "Closed for official opening."

Sign in a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk."

Sign in a hotel in Athens: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."

Sign in a Yugoslavian hotel: "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid."

Sign in a Japanese hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."

Sign in a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign in a Hong Kong supermarket: "For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service."

Sign at fast-food place: "PARKING FOR DRIVE-THRU CUSTOMERS ONLY!"

Sign outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs."

Sign in a Rhodes tailor shop: "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."

Sign from the Soviet Weekly: "There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years."

Sign in an East African newspaper: "A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers."

Sign in a Vienna hotel: "In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter."

Sign in an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists."

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

At a restaurant in New York: "Tip-ing is not a city in China."

Here is a great sign I saw in the grocery store: "Snickers, 5 for 1.00$.(limit 4)"

On a dock in Juneau, Alaska: "Safety ladder, climb at own risk."

Seen on an electrical appliance store in Spokane, WA "Go modern! Go gas! Go BOOM!"

Emergency Evacuation Plan posted in various places around my office building: "Run like Anything!"

Biggs Septic Tank Service (near Nashville Tennessee) "Call Monday thru Friday, sorry, we haul milk on weekends."

Sign on the wall of the office of an ethnologist: "Beware of bargains in 1. Parachutes 2. Life preservers 3. Brain surgery 4. Eye Care

Billboard sign on a highway coming out of Austin, TX: "Nobody reads billboards.... But you just did :)"