funny ads jokes

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign in a Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

Sign in the window of a Swedish furrier: "Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin."

Sign on the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: "Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life."

Detour sign in Kobe, Japan: "Stop: Drive Sideways."

Sign in a Swiss mountain inn: "Special today -- no ice cream."

Sign in a Copenhagen airline ticket office: "We take your bags and send them in all directions."

Sign on the door of a Moscow hotel room: "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."

Sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

At a restaurant in New York: "Tip-ing is not a city in China."

Here is a great sign I saw in the grocery store: "Snickers, 5 for 1.00$.(limit 4)"

On a dock in Juneau, Alaska: "Safety ladder, climb at own risk."

Seen on an electrical appliance store in Spokane, WA "Go modern! Go gas! Go BOOM!"

Emergency Evacuation Plan posted in various places around my office building: "Run like Anything!"

Biggs Septic Tank Service (near Nashville Tennessee) "Call Monday thru Friday, sorry, we haul milk on weekends."

Sign on the wall of the office of an ethnologist: "Beware of bargains in 1. Parachutes 2. Life preservers 3. Brain surgery 4. Eye Care

Billboard sign on a highway coming out of Austin, TX: "Nobody reads billboards.... But you just did :)"

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

Never Withhold Herbes Infection from Loved One

Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Dear Kill 17,000

Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.