funny ads jokes

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped

Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity to Goose Hunters

Women's Movement Called More Broad-Based

Antique Stripper to Display Wares at Store

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."

In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"

In a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."

In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."

In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."

On a roller coaster: "Watch your head."

On the grounds of a public school: "No trespassing without permission."

On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

In front of a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

Include your Children when Baking Cookies

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Farmer Bill Dies in House

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign in the office of a Roman doctor: "Specialist in women and other diseases."

Sign in a Tokyo shop: "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run."

Sign from a Japanese booklet about using a hotel air CONDITIONER: "COOLERS AND HEATERS: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."

Two signs from a Morrocan shop entrance: "English well talking." "Here speeching American."

Sign at a Budapest zoo: "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."

Sign from a translated sentence from a Russian chess book: "A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played."

Sign at a garage in Hertfordshire: "Please do not smoke near the pumps. If your life isn't worth anything - gas is!"

Sign on the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."