I GET NO RESPECT 06 - Funny one liners jokes

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I GET NO RESPECT 06
"My marriage is on the rocks again.  Yeah..my wife just broke up with her boyfriend."

"My friends and I played a new version of Russian roulette. We passed around six girls and one of them had VD."

"I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba.  Yeah...I told him once...  Doctor...every morning when I get up and look in the mirror..I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me?  He said..I don't know but your eyesight is perfect"

"I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest."

"I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow.  He told me to wear a brown necktie."

"My dentist has bad breath......Why every time he smokes he blows onion rings."

"My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy.  I told him...If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion...he said... Alright...you're ugly too!"

"I was so ugly...my mother used to feed me with a sling shot!"