heaven jokes jokes

There were 3 men who died and before God would let them into heaven, he gave them a chance to come back as anything they wanted.

The first guy said " I want to come back as myself, but 100 times smarter. So God made him 100 times smarter.

The second guy said "I want to be better than that guy, make me 1000 times smarter. So God made him 1000 times smarter.

The last guy decided he would be the best. So he said "God, make me better than both of them, make me 1,000,000 times smarter.

So God made him a woman !!

In Heaven:

1. The cooks are French,
   
2. The policemen are English,
   
3. The mechanics are German,
   
4. The lovers are Italian,
   
5. The bankers are Swiss.
   

In Hell:

1. The cooks are English,
   
2. The policemen are German,
   
3. The mechanics are French,
   
4. The lovers are Swiss,
   
5. The bankers are Italian.
   

In Computer Heaven:

1. The management is from Intel,
   
2. The design and construction is done by Apple,
   
3. The marketing is done by Microsoft,
   
4. IBM provides the support,
   
5. Gateway determines the pricing.
   

In Computer Hell:

1. The management is from Apple,
   
2. Microsoft does design and construction,
   
3. IBM handles the marketing,
   
4. The support is from Gateway,
   
5. Intel sets the price.
   

One day at the entrance to heaven, St. Peter saw a New York street gang.

walk up to the Pearly Gates. This being a first, St. Peter ran to God and said, "God,

there are some evil, thieving New Yorkers at the Pearly Gates. What do I do?".

God replied, "Just do what you normally do with that type. Re-direct them down to hell."

St. Peter went back to carry out the order and all of a sudden he comes running back yelling "God, God, they're gone, they're gone!"

"Who, the New Yorkers?".

"No, the Pearly Gates."