pick a starting salary
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The candidate said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"
And the HR Person said, "Certainly, ...but you started it."
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The candidate said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"
And the HR Person said, "Certainly, ...but you started it."
photographer works
There was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townfolk - the ghost which `lived' there was feared by all.
However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, clanking chains et al. He told the ghost "I mean no harm - I just want your photograph". The ghost was quite happy at this chance to make the headlines - he posed for a number of ghostly shots.
The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room, and began developing the photos. Unfortunately, they turned out to be black and underexposed.
So what's the moral of the story?
The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.
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However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, clanking chains et al. He told the ghost "I mean no harm - I just want your photograph". The ghost was quite happy at this chance to make the headlines - he posed for a number of ghostly shots.
The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room, and began developing the photos. Unfortunately, they turned out to be black and underexposed.
So what's the moral of the story?
The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.
murphy's work laws
MURPHY'S LAWS ON WORK
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.
Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what I'm doing wrong.
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing.
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or is fired.
There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...).
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
People are always available for work in the past tense.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
The longer the title, the less important the job.
Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own.
Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
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A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.
Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what I'm doing wrong.
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing.
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or is fired.
There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...).
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
People are always available for work in the past tense.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
The longer the title, the less important the job.
Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own.
Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
work for an operator
The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Centre.
Caller : I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. Operator : I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct? Caller : Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the B fell off.
* * *
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator : Woven? Are you sure? Caller : Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland.
* * *
Caller : I'd like the RSPCA please.
Operator : Where are you calling from?
Caller : The living room
* * *
Caller : The water board please.
Operator : Which department?
Caller : Tap water.
* * *
Operator : How are you spelling that?
Caller : With letters.
* * *
Caller : I'd like the number for a reverend in Cardiff, please.
Operator : Do you have his name?
Caller : No, but he has a dog named Ben.
* * *
Caller : The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators please.
Operator : You mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers?
* * *
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told the worried operator: "I haven't got a pen so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.
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Caller : I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. Operator : I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct? Caller : Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the B fell off.
* * *
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator : Woven? Are you sure? Caller : Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland.
* * *
Caller : I'd like the RSPCA please.
Operator : Where are you calling from?
Caller : The living room
* * *
Caller : The water board please.
Operator : Which department?
Caller : Tap water.
* * *
Operator : How are you spelling that?
Caller : With letters.
* * *
Caller : I'd like the number for a reverend in Cardiff, please.
Operator : Do you have his name?
Caller : No, but he has a dog named Ben.
* * *
Caller : The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators please.
Operator : You mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers?
* * *
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told the worried operator: "I haven't got a pen so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.
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