political jokes jokes

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Democrat."

-- Vice President Al Gore

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"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."

-- Vice President Al Gore

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"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 5/20/996

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"Democrats understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."

-- Vice President Al Gore

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"Welcome to President Clinton, Mrs. Clinton, and my fellow astronauts."

-- Vice President Al Gore

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"Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."

-- Vice President Al Gore

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"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."

-- Vice President Al Gore

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"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have tremendous impact on history."

-- Vice President Al Gore

(Ed note. Hmmmm, anyone in particular come to mind?)

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"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."

-- Al Gore

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"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Al Gore may or may not make."

-- Vice President Al Gore

It's still the economy.
And he's still stupid.

Clinton and Gore,
Gone in four!

Honk if Bill Clinton says you're rich!

Bumper sticker on Arkansan car:

If you can read this
You're not from here

Impeach Clinton!
And her husband, too!

At a recent interview, it seems that Bill Clinton broke out in rage after being asked a line of questions about him being controlled.

Interviewer: "Who pulls your strings, Bill? What special interests control you?"

Clinton (visibly upset): "You leave Hillary out of this!"

It's Friday night and President Bill is working late in the White House.

Suddenly the big, red telephone on his desk rings.

[President Bill]
Hello! Hello!

[Voice on the line]
President Bill! We have a report that Boris Yeltsin just ordered the launch of all Russian missiles in a full-scale nuclear attack against the United States!

[President Bill]
Oh no!!!
He said he wouldn't do that!
That dirty, rotten jerk!

Bill slams the phone down. He goes the receiver back in the red telephone's cradle.

President Bill grabs the briefcase next to his desk, whirls the combination locks, flings open the lid, and jabs in a series of top-secret access codes. A voice comes over the briefcase speaker.

[Voice on the line]
Mr. President, is this a drill?

[President Bill]
Listen to me.
We're being attacked by the Russians.
Launch a full-scale response immediately.

[Voice on the line]
Are you sure, sir?

[President Bill]
Yes!!!
Fire the missiles!!!
Fire the missiles now!!!

[Voice on the line]
OK Sir, we're launching them this minute.

[President Bill]
Thank you, son!

The speaker goes silent and President Bill collapses in his chair. Suddenly, an aid flings open the door and bursts into the room.

[Aid]
Hey Bill! Neat joke, huh?
Sounded real, didn't it?
Attacked by the Russians! What a gag!
Hey, you want something from the kitchen, Bill?
How about a pizza or something?
Say Bill, are you OK? You look kind of pale.
You OK Bill?
Bill???