political jokes jokes

It's Friday night and President Bill is working late in the White House.

Suddenly the big, red telephone on his desk rings.

[President Bill]
Hello! Hello!

[Voice on the line]
President Bill! We have a report that Boris Yeltsin just ordered the launch of all Russian missiles in a full-scale nuclear attack against the United States!

[President Bill]
Oh no!!!
He said he wouldn't do that!
That dirty, rotten jerk!

Bill slams the phone down. He goes the receiver back in the red telephone's cradle.

President Bill grabs the briefcase next to his desk, whirls the combination locks, flings open the lid, and jabs in a series of top-secret access codes. A voice comes over the briefcase speaker.

[Voice on the line]
Mr. President, is this a drill?

[President Bill]
Listen to me.
We're being attacked by the Russians.
Launch a full-scale response immediately.

[Voice on the line]
Are you sure, sir?

[President Bill]
Yes!!!
Fire the missiles!!!
Fire the missiles now!!!

[Voice on the line]
OK Sir, we're launching them this minute.

[President Bill]
Thank you, son!

The speaker goes silent and President Bill collapses in his chair. Suddenly, an aid flings open the door and bursts into the room.

[Aid]
Hey Bill! Neat joke, huh?
Sounded real, didn't it?
Attacked by the Russians! What a gag!
Hey, you want something from the kitchen, Bill?
How about a pizza or something?
Say Bill, are you OK? You look kind of pale.
You OK Bill?
Bill???

A man was walking along when he spotted a small boy busily constructing something. He approached the boy and was shocked to see him playing with cow manure! For lack of anything better to say, he asked, "Little boy, what are you doing?"

The boy replied, "I am making George Bush with this manure, Mister."

Now thoroughly taken aback, the man asked, "Why are you making George Bush? Why not make, er, Bill Clinton?"

The boy answered, "Oh no Mister, I can't make Bill Clinton."

"But why not?" asked the man.

The boy replied "Well, Mister, there isn't enough here to make Bill Clinton."

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/22/97

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"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/5/93

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"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."

-- Vice President Al Gore

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"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/15/95

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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

-- Vice President Al Gore

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"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."

-- Vice President Al Gore

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"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."

-- Vice President Al Gore

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"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 5/22/98

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"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared.'"

-- Vice President Al Gore, 12/6/93

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"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 11/30/96

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"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."

-- Vice President Al Gore

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"The future will be better tomorrow."

-- Vice President Al Gore

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"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/21/97

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"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."

-- Vice President Al Gore to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93

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"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe."

-- Vice President Al Gore

It's still the economy.
And he's still stupid.

Clinton and Gore,
Gone in four!

Honk if Bill Clinton says you're rich!

Bumper sticker on Arkansan car:

If you can read this
You're not from here

Impeach Clinton!
And her husband, too!