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sports jokes

play as james bond
Egotistical Harry was always reminding people that he played semi-pro baseball.

"I was the James Bond type of player," he told his friends. "I had all sorts of tricks to confuse the opposition."

"Batted .007," his wife added.

murphy's martial laws
Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts

Ten scientific principles that apply to the study of all martial arts:

The wimp who made it through the eliminations on luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him.

The referee will always be looking the other way when you score.

The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the sensei will be sick.

The sensei will only use you during demonstrations for joint-locking techniques.

If you have to use your training in self-defense, your attacker's father will be a lawyer.

After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat.

After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your black belt exam.

In an otherwise vacant locker room, the only other person will have the locker right next to yours.

No matter how many times you take care of it before your promotion exam, you will invariably have to go to the bathroom when it's your turn.

question answer 02
Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats?
They might be cheetahs!

Manager: Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player
Fan: Why's that?
Manager: Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him!

Why do artists never when they play football?
They keep drawing!

Why do managers bring suitcases along to away games?
So that they can pack the defence!

Where do old bowling balls end up?
In the gutter!

Manager: I thought I told you to lose weight. What happened to your three week diet?
Player: I finished it in three days!

What part of a football pitch smells nicest?
The scenter spot!

sports entrance exam
            (Time Limit: 3 Weeks)

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient
   Babylonian Empire with particular
   reference to architecture, literature,
   law and social conditions


   give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
   (a) build a bridge
   (b) sail the ocean
   (c) lead an army or

4. What religion is the Pope? (please check
   only one answer)
   (a) Jewish
   (b) Catholic
   (c) Hindu
   (d) Polish
   (e) Agnostic

5. Metric conversion. How many feet is
   0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is
   on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given?

8. What are people in America's far north
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners

9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton

10. Six kings of England have been called
    George, the last one being George the
    Sixth. Name the previous five.

11. Where does rain come from?
     (a) Macy's
     (b) a 7-11
     (c) Canada
     (d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory
    of Relativity?
     (a) yes
     (b) no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National
    Anthem for what country?

15. Explain Le Chatelier's Principle of
    Dynamic Equilibrium


     spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story
    building located?

17. Which part of America produces the
    most oranges?
     (a) New York
     (b) Florida
     (c) Canada
     (d) Wisconsin

18. Advanced math.
    If you have three apples how many apples
    do you have?

19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.)
    stand for?

*You must answer three or more questions
correctly to qualify*

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