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normal car is better
 
 
Reasons why a normal Car is a far superior vehicle than a F1 Car

"Hundreds of people and tens of millions of dollars go into building an F1 car, but a normal car is a far superior vehicle. You wonder what goes through those guys' minds when design their cars. THEY'RE ALL WRONG!!!!"

No door... I mean, people have to climb in. Actually, ANYBODY can climb in and steal it. Pffft!

No roof... The people who drive these things are left open to the elements. Like, even convertible cars have something you can pull over your head.

No radio (AM and FM), no cassette nor CD player... how boring it must be to drive in those things for close to two hours without having anything to listen to.

No heating... Being left open to the elements, the drivers' toes must become very cold after a while.

No coffee cup holder... Those guys can spill all the hot (and dangerous stuff) over themselves. What with them steering with one hand and trying to drink with the other.

No ashtrays and electric lighter...

No windshield wipers... and they expect them to race in the rain?

No windshields... Well, I guess no. 7 and 8 go hand in hand.

No turn signals... How can they indicate they intend to pass?

No headlights... No wonder they only drive in the day time.

Only one brake light...

Only one seat... How can a guy go necking with his girlfriend at the local drive in?

No anchor for a baby seat... And they are trying to make us believe that safety comes first?

No trunk...

No adjustable seats... (mine goes back and forth, and can be tilted as well)

High fuel consumption...

Engines that don't last...

Tyres that just wear off in no time flat...

Where's the bloody ignition? I guess it's back to the old Model T days when the cars had to be crank started.

No sun visor... Must be fun driving those things with the sun in the eyes. Talk about accidents waiting to happen.

destroy an opponent
 
 
The Center for Opponent Neutralization (C.O.N.)

Tonya Harding Presents...

Get tired every softball season loosing to the same team with all the big sluggers year in and year out?

Are you tired of always getting beat 6-0, 6-0 by that arrogant tennis-playing friend of yours with his killer serve?

Haven't you had enough of that annoying golf buddy who always seems to shoot in the low 80's against you?

Just tired of always loosing to someone better than you? Let us do the dirty work for you at the......

Tonya Harding Center For Opponent Neutralization

That's right, for a small fee we can rough up, maim, dismember, paralyze, or even kill that person or persons who are blocking your path to athletic success.

Check out our price list:

Blow to the knee.............................  $99.95
Blow to both knees (a better buy)............ $149.95
Blow to the head............................. $124.95
Knife in the back (tennis players only)......  $49.95
Kick in the groin (male athletes only).......   $9.95
Poking out one eye...........................  $49.95
Poking out both eyes (three stooges style)...  $79.95
Gun shot to the knee......................... $199.95
Gun shot to both knees....................... $299.95
Gun shot to the head......................... $499.95
Impalement in a public place................. $999.95
Prices subject to change without notice.

Remember, wednesdays are bonus days, order one act of violence and receive another of equal or lesser value at 50% off!

With every order over $300.00 you automatically receive a collapsible hard plastic baton personally signed by Tonya Harding herself - just like the one used to beat the crap out of Nancy Kerrigan.

To order, call toll-free at 1-800-just-win

why the bad plays?
 
 
A true story, according to the LA Times.....

Coach Frank Layden of the Utah Jazz asked forward Jeff Wilkins, "Is your bad play due to ignorance or apathy?"

Wilkins replied, "I don't know and I don't care!"

he is new to baseball
 
 
Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. "So, how did you do son?" he asked.

"You'll never believe it!" Billy said. "I was responsible for the winning run!"

"Really? How'd you do that?"

"I dropped the ball."


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