sports jokes jokes

Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. "So, how did you do son?" he asked.

"You'll never believe it!" Billy said. "I was responsible for the winning run!"

"Really? How'd you do that?"

"I dropped the ball."

Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar?
All of them, a crossbar can't jump!

Why do grasshoppers not go to many football matches?
They prefer cricket matches!

What stories are told by basketball players?
Tall stories!

Who won the race between two balls of string?
They we're tied!

Why are football players never asked for dinner?
Because they're always dribbling!

Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear?
Because he liked sole music!

What tea do footballers drink?
Penaltea!

Where do footballers dance?
At a football!

           UNIVERSITY ENTRANCE EXAM
          SEC FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION
            (Time Limit: 3 Weeks)

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient
   Babylonian Empire with particular
   reference to architecture, literature,
   law and social conditions

   -OR-

   give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
   (a) build a bridge
   (b) sail the ocean
   (c) lead an army or
   (d) WRITE A PLAY

4. What religion is the Pope? (please check
   only one answer)
   (a) Jewish
   (b) Catholic
   (c) Hindu
   (d) Polish
   (e) Agnostic

5. Metric conversion. How many feet is
   0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is
   on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given?
   (approximately)

8. What are people in America's far north
   called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners

9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton

10. Six kings of England have been called
    George, the last one being George the
    Sixth. Name the previous five.

11. Where does rain come from?
     (a) Macy's
     (b) a 7-11
     (c) Canada
     (d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory
    of Relativity?
     (a) yes
     (b) no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National
    Anthem for what country?

15. Explain Le Chatelier's Principle of
    Dynamic Equilibrium

     -OR-

     spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story
    building located?

17. Which part of America produces the
    most oranges?
     (a) New York
     (b) Florida
     (c) Canada
     (d) Wisconsin

18. Advanced math.
    If you have three apples how many apples
    do you have?

19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.)
    stand for?

*You must answer three or more questions
correctly to qualify*

Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts

Ten scientific principles that apply to the study of all martial arts:

The wimp who made it through the eliminations on luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him.

The referee will always be looking the other way when you score.

The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the sensei will be sick.

The sensei will only use you during demonstrations for joint-locking techniques.

If you have to use your training in self-defense, your attacker's father will be a lawyer.

After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat.

After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your black belt exam.

In an otherwise vacant locker room, the only other person will have the locker right next to yours.

No matter how many times you take care of it before your promotion exam, you will invariably have to go to the bathroom when it's your turn.