(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.)
*Ask the cop if you can use his pepper spray to "spice up" your takeout.
*Take his flashlight and play flashlight tag with yourself.
*When he walks up to you, look at his gut and say "I thought you had to be physically fit to be a cop."
*Draw happy faces on all the pages in his ticket book.
*Ask if his bulletproof vest would protect him from projectile vomiting.
*Ask him if you can take his squad car out for a joy ride.
*When he asks you for your license say, "Oh sure officer, I could reach it if you'd hold my beer."
*Explain speeding with, "See officer, I was driving along when I dropped my bag of crack. I tried to pick it up but, when I did, my gun fell and jammed my foot against the gas pedal."
*Lie on the ground and ask him to draw your outline in chalk.
*Tell him you wanted to be a cop but decided to graduate high school instead.
*Ask him if his badge is made of chocolate.
*Try to bribe him with chucky cheese tokens.
*Try to bribe him with one-dollar bills. When he declines, remind him that "with 10-10-220 you can get all calls up to twenty minutes for 99 cents."
*Pay all ticket fines with pennies.
*Ask him how many donuts he can eat in one minute. Ask him to prove it.
*When you spot some cops with a radar gun pull over, show them a hair dryer and yell, "I've got one too!"
*Say to him, "Don't cheek the trunk. Nope, nothing in there. Scout's honor."
*When he asks you to explain why you were going so fast, tell him that you were going to Dunkin' Donuts and you know he'll understand.
*When the cop is talking to you, ignore him and roll your window up and down while looking amazed that it does that.
*Ask him what he is doing out so late.
*Ask him if you can play cops and robbers.
*Call his dog Admiral, regardless of what its real name is.
*Throw the cop's nightstick and tell Admiral to go fetch.
*Tell him that the wee little leprechauns made you do it.
*Ask him if he can make strobes with his police lights.
*When he tries to open the door taunt him by locking the door when he tries to open it, then unlocking it when he looks away. Repeat this several times.
*Paint flames on the side of his squad car.
*Paint flames on the side of his uniform.
*When he walks up to your car-put your hands on your face and mutter "If I don't see you I can't get a ticket."
*Throw cans of Spam at him.
*When he tells you to put your hands on the hood, walk to his car and put your hands on his hood.
*Say to him "Darn, officer you must of been going fast to keep up with me!!"
*Tell him you were testing to law of perpetual motion when the escape vector was off causing Philbin's law to take effect...
* When he walks up to you have the radio full blast, look forward without saying a word and breathe in and out very loudly.
* When he ask you to walk the straight line, "Riverdance" instead.
* When he asks you to say your alphabet backwards count backwards from ten instead.
*When he asks you to touch your nose, poke yourself in the eye and start acting like Curly from the Three Stooges.
*Keep his pen.
*If they put you in the back of the squad car, sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" loudly and obnoxiously over and over all the way to the Police Dept.
*Say "Could you tighten these cuffs? My hands don't hurt yet."
*Instead of pleading the fifth amendment plead the 13th or the 18th Instead.
Bonus points if you can do any of these without getting hit over the head with a nightstick.
Double bonus if you can do all of these without getting the death penalty.