Farm jokes

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the chicken and the horse
 
 
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse fall's into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.

The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.

He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.

The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story:

If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

mad cows
 
 
Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?"

The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn't it?"

a beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes...
 
 
A beautiful woman loved to garden, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red.

One day while taking a stroll she came upon a neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?"

The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."

The woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best.

One day the gentlemen was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"

"No" she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

saddam hussein & his chauffeur were driving ...
 
 
Saddam Hussein & his chauffeur were driving down the highway when suddenly they hit a pig crossing the road, killing it instantly. Saddam tells his driver "Go to the farm over there & explain to the owner of the pig what happened."

One hour later, Saddam sees his driver coming back from the farm. His clothes all wrinkled, a bottle of wine in one hand & a cigar in the other. "What happened to you?", inquires Saddam.

"Well," replies the driver, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife the bottle of wine & their 19-year-old daughter made wild, passionate love to me!"

"My God, what did you tell them?" demands the dictator.

The chauffeur responds; "Good evening. I am Saddam Husseins chauffeur & I have just killed the pig."


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