heaven jokes jokes

In Heaven:

1. The cooks are French,
   
2. The policemen are English,
   
3. The mechanics are German,
   
4. The lovers are Italian,
   
5. The bankers are Swiss.
   

In Hell:

1. The cooks are English,
   
2. The policemen are German,
   
3. The mechanics are French,
   
4. The lovers are Swiss,
   
5. The bankers are Italian.
   

In Computer Heaven:

1. The management is from Intel,
   
2. The design and construction is done by Apple,
   
3. The marketing is done by Microsoft,
   
4. IBM provides the support,
   
5. Gateway determines the pricing.
   

In Computer Hell:

1. The management is from Apple,
   
2. Microsoft does design and construction,
   
3. IBM handles the marketing,
   
4. The support is from Gateway,
   
5. Intel sets the price.
   

There were 3 men who died and before God would let them into heaven, he gave them a chance to come back as anything they wanted.

The first guy said " I want to come back as myself, but 100 times smarter. So God made him 100 times smarter.

The second guy said "I want to be better than that guy, make me 1000 times smarter. So God made him 1000 times smarter.

The last guy decided he would be the best. So he said "God, make me better than both of them, make me 1,000,000 times smarter.

So God made him a woman !!

Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to heaven to an orientation.

They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, "Look! He's moving!"