SECRETS OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE - Men and women jokes

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Before you leave your house...
1.  Put on a little too much cologne. 

2.  Before you leave home, fill your pockets with mints.  When your  date says something to you when she's really close, give her a  mint.  EX:  Girl - 'This movie sure is romantic.' Guy - 'Here's a  mint, now what did you say?'   

When you go to pick her up:   
1.  When you get to her door, don't knock or ring the doorbell,  just go on in. She's expecting you. 

2.  Call her parents by their first names. 

3.  If she asks you how she looks, and her parents are nearby, tell  her she looks sexy. 

4.  When introducing yourself to her parents, tell them that you  prefer to go by your gang name. 

5.  Always look nice when you meet the parents. wear a new Marlboro  jacket and be sure to tell them how many Marlboro bucks it took to  get it.  Parents smile upon a man that can save his Marlboro money. 

6.  Show respect.  Take your Fubu cap and matching coat off when  you enter the house.  Make sure you wear your cap and coat in the  summer too. If her parents ask why, tell them that you're 'keepin'  it real.'   

On the way to wherever:   
1. Do NOT let her touch the radio or the air conditioner.  You are  the man, make sure she knows that. 

2.  If she makes up for lost time by putting on her lipstick in the  car, gently tap the brakes at the same time  the lipstick touches  her mouth. 

3.  Check out the girl in the other car while at the stoplight. 

4.  If you pick the girl up from home at 6:45, have someone call  you on the cell phone at 7:00 and talk to them till you get to your  destination, this way you won't have to worry about what to say to  her. 

5.  Drive ten miles BELOW the speed limit. 

6.  Develop a really bad Pee Wee Herman impression and talk to her  through it.   

When you arrive at your destination:   
1.  If you go to the movies, flirt with the girl at the ticket  counter. 

2.  If you go to a restaurant, say you're really hungry. Let her  order first. Since you'll be eating heavy, she'll probably order a  big meal, too.  When she  finishes, order a small coke and a box of McDonaldland cookies. 

3.  If you get nervous, just pretend that she's one of your guy  friends.  At the end of the meal, say 'Boy, you ate everything but  the table.'  Say it with confidence. 

4. Be classy.  If you eat at McDonald's, leave a tip.   

On the way back to her house:  Take your cell phone and call another girl. Ask her to do  something with you in about an hour.