school jokes jokes

A college business professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day's lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil.

"And who was it that developed the theories behind communism?" the professor asked.

"I don't know," the student said.

"Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Reebs, you would know," said the professor.

"That's not true," the student replied. "I never pay attention anyway!"

Your first job will be to sweep the floor.

But I'm a college student the young man replied.

In that case give me the broom - I'll show you how.

Dear Parent(s), Date:

I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us.

Please send me:

__ Money (Cash) Amount: _____
__ Food (Cookies) Dozens: _____
__ Clean clothes!

Relationships:

__ What?
__ I am in love with myself.
__ I am in love!
__ I am engaged.
__ I got married last weekend.

My Roommate:

__ Worships the ground I walk on.
__ Gave me a black eye.
__ Committed suicide and left a note blaming me.
__ Has fleas.

My Professors are:

__ Sadistic water walkers.
__ Mental institution escapees.
__ Brain dead nerds.
__ Super oxygen thieves.

Latest News:

__ I wrecked the car.
__ I can't use your credit card because I exceeded the credit limit.
__ You are going to have a grandchild.
__ False alarm--you aren't going to have a grandchild.

Food:

__ Is great!
__ Even makes me appreciate your cooking
__ I have had pizzas and soda for the last twenty meals.
__ I stopped eating out of fear.

Grades:

__ I am making all A's
__ I am not being properly challenged
__ I will be home after this semester
__ I never knew they had a letter grade below F

I study:

__ Night and day
__ All the time
__ Eighty hours a week
__ Only on Sunday afternoon
__ None of the above

Daily Devotions:

__ I read my Bible everyday
__ I can't read
__ Someone stole my Bible while I was at the local bar

On my last visit home, I left:

__ My glasses.
__ My paper that was due yesterday.
__ The clothes you washed for me.
__ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment.
__ Other ____________________________.

Please send above items by FedEx (Priority One) or UPS (Blue).

Laundry:

__ My white underwear is now _______.
__ I am saving money by not using detergent.
__ Don't worry, I washed my clothes last semester.
__ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains.

My room:

__ Can pass your "white glove" test.
__ Is only ___% full.
__ Could not be located last Saturday night.
__ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training.

Parties:

__ I don't inhale
__ I only go to meet people
__ Haven't been to one since this morning.

Hope you:

__ Miss me
__ Can live without me
__ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence

Salutation:

__ Your Daughter,
__ Your Son,
__ Yours,

To: Professor _______________
From: ____________________

I think my grade in your course, ___, should be changed from ___ to ___ for the following reasons:

__1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.

__2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.

__3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into:

__Medical School
__Graduate School
__Dental School
__Fraternity/Sorority
__The Mickey Mouse Club
__Tri County Tech

__4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in ______.

__5. I'll lose my scholarship.

__6. I'm on a varsity sports team, and my tutor couldn't find a copy of your exam for me.

__7. I didn't come to class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the material asked for on the exam.

__8. I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every little fact.

__9. I learned all the facts and definitions but your exams asked about general principles.

__10. You are prejudiced against:

__ Males
__ Blacks
__ Females
__ Jews
__ Catholics
__ Whites
__ Protestants
__ Minorities
__ Chicanos
__ Students
__ People

__11. If I flunk out of school my father will disinherit me or at least cut my allowance.

__12. I was unable to do well in this course because of the following illness:

__ mono
__ broken baby finger
__ acute alcoholism
__ pregnancy
__ VD
__ fatherhood

__13. You told us to be creative but you didn't tell us exactly how you wanted that done.

__14. I was creative and you said I was just shooting the bull.

__15. I don't have a reason; I just want a higher grade.

__16. The lectures were:

__ too detailed to pick out important points.
__ not explained in any sufficient detail.
__ your class was far too boring.
__ all jokes and not enough material.
__ all of the above.

__17. This course was:

__too early, I was not awake.
__at lunchtime, I was hungry.
__too late, I was tired.

__18. My (dog, cat, gerbil) (ate, wet on, threw up on) my (book, notes, paper) for this course.

__19. Other reason: __________________.