silly jokes jokes

What's the nearest thing to silver?
The Lone Ranger's bottom!

This morning my dad gave me soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast.
I bet you were mad.
Mad? I was foaming at the mouth!

What sort of animal is a slug?
A snail with a housing problem!

What does "Minimum" mean?
A very small mother!

What is an archaeologist?
Someone who's career is in ruins!

What is hail?
Hard boiled rain!

Why are astronauts successful people?
Because they always go up in the world!

A noise woke me up this morning.
What was that?
The crack of dawn!

It's gone forever - forever I tell you!

What has?
Yesterday!

Whats red and flies and wobbles at the same time?
A jelly copter!

Why did the sword swallower swallow an umbrella?
He wanted to put something away for a rainy day!

What's the name for a short legged tramp?
A low down bum!

Why did the man take a pencil to bed?
To draw the curtains!

What's the difference between an American student and an English student?
About 3000 miles!

What stories do the ship captain's children like to hear?
Ferry tales!

Why did Robin Hood only steal from the rich?
Because the poor have nothing worth taking!

Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8!

What's an insect's favourite sport?
Cricket!

What kind of car does Mickey Mouse's wife drive?
A minnie van!

Is this a second hand shop?
Yes Sir Good. Can you fit one to my watch then please!

How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?
By flood lighting!

What do Scotsmen eat?
Tart'n'pie!

What is heavier, a full moon or a half moon?
The full moon because it's lighter!

What town in England makes terrible sandwiches?
Oldham!

What would you call theft in Peking?
A Chinese takeaway!

What animals are on legal documents?
Seals!

What did you get for christmas?
A mouthorgan, its the best present I've ever had.
Why?
My mum gives me extra pocket money every week not to play it!

Where do tadpoles change?
In a croakroom!