silly collection 09
I don't think these photographs you've taken do me justice.
You don't want justice - you want mercy!
What steps would you take if a madman came rushing at you with a knife?
Great big ones!
Who was the world's greatest thief?
Atlas, because he held up the whole world!
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars!
If two's company and three a crowd, what are four and five?
Nine!
What is it that even the most careful person overlooks?
His nose!
Mr Smith: I hate to tell you, but your wife just fell down the wishing well.
Mr Brown: It works!
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What steps would you take if a madman came rushing at you with a knife?
Great big ones!
Who was the world's greatest thief?
Atlas, because he held up the whole world!
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars!
If two's company and three a crowd, what are four and five?
Nine!
What is it that even the most careful person overlooks?
His nose!
Mr Smith: I hate to tell you, but your wife just fell down the wishing well.
Mr Brown: It works!
silly collection 23
What has a bottom at the top?
I don't know?
Your legs!
What is a skeleton?
Bones, with the person off!
What might you eat in Paris?
The trifle tower!
Which Elizabethan sailor could stop bikes?
Sir Francis Brake!
Have you ever seen a man eating tiger?
No, but in the cafe next door I once saw a man eating chicken!
What is the quickest way to double your money?
Fold it in half!
What do you get if you cross a Scottish legend and a bad egg?
The Loch Ness Pongster!
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I don't know?
Your legs!
What is a skeleton?
Bones, with the person off!
What might you eat in Paris?
The trifle tower!
Which Elizabethan sailor could stop bikes?
Sir Francis Brake!
Have you ever seen a man eating tiger?
No, but in the cafe next door I once saw a man eating chicken!
What is the quickest way to double your money?
Fold it in half!
What do you get if you cross a Scottish legend and a bad egg?
The Loch Ness Pongster!
silly collection 07
Why do birds fly south in the winter?
Because it's too far to walk!
What is "out of bounds"?
An exhausted kangaroo!
Have you ever seen a duchess?
Yes - it's the same as an English "s"!
What followed the dinosaur?
It's tail!
Did you hear about the mad scientist who put dynamite in his fridge?
They say it blew his cool!
Would you like a duck egg for tea?
Only if you quack it for me!
I've got a wonder watch. It only cost fifty cents.
Why is it a wonder watch?
Because every time I look at it I wonder if it is still working!
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Because it's too far to walk!
What is "out of bounds"?
An exhausted kangaroo!
Have you ever seen a duchess?
Yes - it's the same as an English "s"!
What followed the dinosaur?
It's tail!
Did you hear about the mad scientist who put dynamite in his fridge?
They say it blew his cool!
Would you like a duck egg for tea?
Only if you quack it for me!
I've got a wonder watch. It only cost fifty cents.
Why is it a wonder watch?
Because every time I look at it I wonder if it is still working!
silly collection 21
How do you make milk shake?
Give it a good scare!
Do you know the time?
No, we haven't met yet!
What sleeps at the bottom of the sea?
A kipper!
What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck!
What soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
Seasoned troopers!
Did you hear about the man who had BO on one side only?
He bought Right Guard, but couldn't find any Left Guard!
What has two humps and is found at the North Pole?
A lost camel!
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Give it a good scare!
Do you know the time?
No, we haven't met yet!
What sleeps at the bottom of the sea?
A kipper!
What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck!
What soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
Seasoned troopers!
Did you hear about the man who had BO on one side only?
He bought Right Guard, but couldn't find any Left Guard!
What has two humps and is found at the North Pole?
A lost camel!
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