silly jokes jokes

Who is in cowboy films and always broke?
Skint Eastwood!

Who is the biggest gangster in the sea?
Al Caprawn!

What do you get if you cross a nun and a chicken?
A pecking order!

Why did the silly kid stand on his head?
His feet were tired!

What does one star say to another star when they meet?
Glad to meteor!

Were you long in the hospital?
No, I was the same size that I am now!

How did the farmer fix his jeans?
With a cabbage patch!

I want a hair cut please. Certainly, which one!

Do you look in the mirror after you've washed your face?
No, I look in a towel!

Why was the Egyptian girl worried?
Because her daddy was a mummy!

It's time for your violin lesson.
Oh, Fiddle!

How old is your granddad?
I don't know but we've had him a long time!

What pet makes the loudest noise?
A trum-pet!

What is a tornado?
Mother nature doing the twist!

Why is Russia a very fast country?
Because the people are always Russian!

How do you cure a headache?
Put your head through a window and the pane will just disappear!

What did one virus say to another?
Stay away! I think I've got penicillin!

What happens when plumbers die?
They go down the drain!

Your ugly.
And you're drunk.
Yes, but in the morning I'll be sober!

How do you stop a cold getting to your chest?
Tie a knot in your neck!

What is the fastest thing in water?
A motor pike!

How do you make milk shake?
Give it a good scare!

Do you know the time?
No, we haven't met yet!

What sleeps at the bottom of the sea?
A kipper!

What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck!

What soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
Seasoned troopers!

Did you hear about the man who had BO on one side only?
He bought Right Guard, but couldn't find any Left Guard!

What has two humps and is found at the North Pole?
A lost camel!