travel jokes jokes

A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.

Cop: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway -- why are you going so slow?"

Sister: "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65."

Cop: "Oh sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!

Sister: Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful.

At this point the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling.

Cop: Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something terrible.

Sister: Oh, we just got off of highway 119.

A young man comes home and says "Dad, just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car."

Father replies, :"O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see."

Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?"

Father replies, "That's all true, but son you didn't cut your hair."

Son says, "But, dad, Jesus had long hair."

Father replies, "Yes, son, you're perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went."

Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You've had an accident involving a train.

Patient: What happened?

Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?

Patient: Well... The bad news first...

Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.

Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?

Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

Strange and silly things to do while driving. We do not advise doing any of the below "things to do while driving", as all driving should be taken seriously. The below "things to do while driving" are simply here for entertainment purposes.

Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.

Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang.

At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.

Two words: Chicken suit.

Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.

Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.

Laugh a lot. A whole lot.

Stop at the green lights.

Go at the red ones.

Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.

Eat food that requires silverware.

Pass cars, then drive very slowly.

Sing without having the radio on.

Honk frequently without motivation.

Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.

Ask people for Grey Poupon.

Let pedestrians know who's boss.

Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.

Restart your car at every stop light.

Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.

Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window.

While stopped at a light, piss out the window/sunroof onto other cars.

Keep at least five cats in the car.

Root (cheer, not snuffle in the mud) for firetrucks.

Stop and collect roadkill.

Throw Spam.

Get in the fast lane and gradually ... slow ... down ... to a stop. Then get out and watch the cars. Throw Spam at them.