college prayers
O Lord, hear my anxious plea
Calculus is killing me
I know not of 'dx' or 'dy'
And probably won't until the day I die.
Please, Lord, help me in this hour
As I take my case to the highest power.
I care not for fame or loot
Just help me find one square root.
And Lord, please let me see
One passing mark in organic chemistry.
Oh such a thing I constantly dread
I'd just as soon join the Marines instead.
Lord, please give me a sign
That you've been listening all the time.
Please lead me out of this constant coma
And give me a shot at my diploma.
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Calculus is killing me
I know not of 'dx' or 'dy'
And probably won't until the day I die.
Please, Lord, help me in this hour
As I take my case to the highest power.
I care not for fame or loot
Just help me find one square root.
And Lord, please let me see
One passing mark in organic chemistry.
Oh such a thing I constantly dread
I'd just as soon join the Marines instead.
Lord, please give me a sign
That you've been listening all the time.
Please lead me out of this constant coma
And give me a shot at my diploma.
might be a student
1. If you have ever price shopped for Top Ramen, you might be a college student.
2. If you live in a house with three couches, none of which match.
3. If you consider Mac and Cheese a balanced meal.
4. If you have ever written a check for 45 cents.
5. If you have a fine collection of domestic beer bottles.
6. If you have ever seen two consectutive sunrises without sleeping.
7. If your glass set is composed of McDonald's Extra Value Meal Plastic Cups (ie.Olympic Dream Team I or II).
8. If your underwear supply dictates the time between laundry loads.
9. If you cannot remember when you last washed your car.
10. If you can pack your worldly possesions into the back of a pick-up (one trip).
11. If you have ever had to justify yourself for buying Natural Light.
12. If the first thing you do in the morning is roll over and introduce yourself.
13. If you average less than 3 hours of sleep a night.
14. If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn't
15. If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week
16. If you eat at the cafeteria because it's "free", even though it tastes terrible.
17. If you are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcy
18. If you wake up 10 minutes before class
19. If you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row -- without washing them
20. If your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class
21. If your social life consists of a date with the library
22. If your idea of "doing your hair" is putting on a baseball cap
23. If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room
24. If you carry less than a dollar on you at all times because that's all you have
25. If you haven't done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class
26. If your midnight snack is microwave popcorn
27. If you celebrate when you find a quarter
28. If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over
29. If your walls are plastered with posters of half naked men or women (whichever your preference)
30. If you have built up a tolerence for beverages (he he he)
31. If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself
32. If your backpack is giving you Scoliosis
33. If you get more sleep in class than in your room
34. If your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen Noodles
35. If you can sleep through your roommate's blaring stereo
36. If you live in an area that is smaller than most mobile homes
37. If you get more e-mail than mail.
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2. If you live in a house with three couches, none of which match.
3. If you consider Mac and Cheese a balanced meal.
4. If you have ever written a check for 45 cents.
5. If you have a fine collection of domestic beer bottles.
6. If you have ever seen two consectutive sunrises without sleeping.
7. If your glass set is composed of McDonald's Extra Value Meal Plastic Cups (ie.Olympic Dream Team I or II).
8. If your underwear supply dictates the time between laundry loads.
9. If you cannot remember when you last washed your car.
10. If you can pack your worldly possesions into the back of a pick-up (one trip).
11. If you have ever had to justify yourself for buying Natural Light.
12. If the first thing you do in the morning is roll over and introduce yourself.
13. If you average less than 3 hours of sleep a night.
14. If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn't
15. If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week
16. If you eat at the cafeteria because it's "free", even though it tastes terrible.
17. If you are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcy
18. If you wake up 10 minutes before class
19. If you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row -- without washing them
20. If your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class
21. If your social life consists of a date with the library
22. If your idea of "doing your hair" is putting on a baseball cap
23. If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room
24. If you carry less than a dollar on you at all times because that's all you have
25. If you haven't done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class
26. If your midnight snack is microwave popcorn
27. If you celebrate when you find a quarter
28. If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over
29. If your walls are plastered with posters of half naked men or women (whichever your preference)
30. If you have built up a tolerence for beverages (he he he)
31. If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself
32. If your backpack is giving you Scoliosis
33. If you get more sleep in class than in your room
34. If your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen Noodles
35. If you can sleep through your roommate's blaring stereo
36. If you live in an area that is smaller than most mobile homes
37. If you get more e-mail than mail.
hint at needing money
Dear Father,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
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$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
only learned in college
1. Quarters are like gold.
2. Be creative in the dining hall.
3. Flipflops become as important as soap, shampoo, etc.
4. You will never find so many excuses for a bucket.
5. Asleep by 2:30 am is an early night.
6. New additions to the food groups: Mountain Dew, Doritos, Ben & Jerry's, Ho-Hos and Oreos
7. Make sure your alarm clock has back-up batteries.
8. Duct tape heals all wounds. (If not, scotch or masking tape will suffice for awhile.)
9. Showers become less important.
10. Sleep becomes more important.
11. Two meals a day are standard. One for some!
12. Recycling becomes synonomous with laundry ("Oh, my jeans can last until Christmas...there's only a *little* bit of mud on them...").
13. You can never make too many meals in a hot pot (or pizelle maker).
14. 10 minutes is more than enough time to get ready for your first class (not that this is anything really new).
15. Going to the mailbox was never an ego booster/breaker before.
16. It takes more than one person to carry your laundry, books, trash, or alcohol.
17. If the lecture hall is big enough, get someone else's notes.
18. You begin to nap again (also not new).
19. Your bill in the bookstore will almost equal tuition.
20. Isn't it amazing that the book your professor wrote is always required for his class?
21. Labs used to be fun.
22. T.A. used to stand for teaching assistant, now, for terribly articulated.
23. Squirt guns equal stress relief.
24. E-mail becomes your second language.
25. Frat parties are exactly like they are in the movies.
26. Ten-page papers used to sound impossible, now they're a Godsend.
27. You never realized so many people are smarter than you.
28. You never realized so many people are dumber than you.
29. Professors are like celebrities: you see them, but they never see you.
30. Western Europe could be wiped out by a horrible plague and you'd never know, but you could recite last week's episode of "Friends" verbatim.
31. See every movie under $3 that your campus provides; it's actually proportional to the amount of money you have.
32. Roadtrip whenever possible.
33. Pick up all new lingo.
34. Bum rides, money, notes and snacks as much as you can get them.
35. Don't burn bridges, especially if he's good in Biology.
36. Plain pasta never constituted a complete meal before.
37. The health service attendants are there because they couldn't make it in a real hospital, never ever forget that.
38. Forget putting the toilet seat down,you just pray that they flush.
39. Frisbee becomes a contact sport.
40. Care packages rank up there with birthdays.
41. College girls are the same as high school girls, just with more freedom...and no curfew.
42. It was never this bad when you got sick.
43. Pop a vitamin and breakfast is covered.
44. Learn to love your roommate, especially when he leaves you the room.
45. You always thought that worshipping the porcelain god was just an expression...it's not!
46. You'll learn more about male genetalia than you ever thought necessary, guys talk more about that than women and sex put together.
47. Beware the freshman 15, or in some cases, the freshman cup size.
48. Even though the beds are long, they are also extra narrow.
49. Things that were a huge deal in high school are now commonplace.
50. You never thought you would share so much about yourself with people you have known for such a short time.
51. Computer games go in and out faster than the latest fashions.
52. Any game can be made into a drinking game.
53. Disney movies are more than just classics.
54. Find one thing you like in the dining hall and go with it.
55. You will hear more stupid nicknames than you ever thought possible.
56. Phone calls almost never happen and when they do, you just don't get the messages.
57. Cereal makes a meal any time of day.
58. Keep your high school term papers; nowadays, everything is recycled.
59. ATMs are the devil's advocate.
60. Beware the boy in the Care Bear toga.
61. You almost forget how to drive.
62. You'll drink anything if it's free..
63. People still cheat, it's just more technologically advanced.
64. You get really good with excuses for skipping class.
65. The girl you're going to marry may live right next door, so keep your stereo down.
66. Ordering food at 1 am is a common occurance.
67. You never realized how cool you can be.
68. TV becomes a bigger time sucker than ever before.
69. You realize how great your hell summer job was once you get to work study.
70. Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them more than ever before.
71. You meet the type of people you only thought existed in the movies.
72. You learn to sleep with light, noise, extreme temps, and roommates snoring.
73. You don't have to cover your textbooks anymore.
74. You become a juggler with the balance between school, friends, girls, activities, work, parties...
75. You live for chicken finger day at the cafeteria.
76. People that were geeks in high school seem okay now.
77. You begin to realize that college is about the ideal lifestyle, except for those pesky classes.
78. You get good at rationalizing on whether to do homework or not (usually not).
79. Procrastination becomes an art.
80. Jeans may be worn as many times as the wearer desires (for example, see # 12).
81. The only reason you ever dress up is when everything else is dirty.
82. Your parents start to tell you stories about their college days.
83. With all the wealth of knowledge around you, you start to feel like you're on intellectual welfare.
84. Going to the mini-mart is a major treat.
85. Amount of alcohol consumed is directly proportional to grade point average.
86. You have two kinds of shoes: everyday shoes and party shoes.
87. Classes: the later the better.
88. The cute girls actually talk to you now.
89. Care packages make it all worthwhile.
90. The longer you're there, the less you talk about home.
91. Always wear your safety goggles, they're not kidding.
92. You just don't learn last names.
93. Your teachers just went from Mr. and Mrs. to Prof.
94. That calculator Tetris and Duck Hunt come into play even more than in high school Physics class.
95. Card games never lasted for hours before.
96. Vacuuming happens every semester, if you get around to it.
97. Boys will dance in college.
98. People who never talked to you in high school are now your best friends when you come home.
99. You are never alone.
100. You find out what beer sludge is.
101. It's amazing how late you can stay up doing absolutely nothing, yet falling asleep in class or in the library takes an average of two seconds.
102. You spend a ridiculous amount of time pondering the mystery of whether the cafeteria Lucky Charms are the real thing.
103. People magazine is your deep philosophical reading material.
104. You begin to subdivide your room into sections such as den, library, etc. to make it sound like a house.
105. All you have to do to make new friends is have mom send up some cookies.
106. You never realized how quiet your house was.
107. Dishes aren't dirty enough to wash until they have bugs and/or mold in them.
108. Printers only break down when you desperately need them.
109. You get along so much better with your family now that you never see any of them.
110. Your life will never be the same again.
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2. Be creative in the dining hall.
3. Flipflops become as important as soap, shampoo, etc.
4. You will never find so many excuses for a bucket.
5. Asleep by 2:30 am is an early night.
6. New additions to the food groups: Mountain Dew, Doritos, Ben & Jerry's, Ho-Hos and Oreos
7. Make sure your alarm clock has back-up batteries.
8. Duct tape heals all wounds. (If not, scotch or masking tape will suffice for awhile.)
9. Showers become less important.
10. Sleep becomes more important.
11. Two meals a day are standard. One for some!
12. Recycling becomes synonomous with laundry ("Oh, my jeans can last until Christmas...there's only a *little* bit of mud on them...").
13. You can never make too many meals in a hot pot (or pizelle maker).
14. 10 minutes is more than enough time to get ready for your first class (not that this is anything really new).
15. Going to the mailbox was never an ego booster/breaker before.
16. It takes more than one person to carry your laundry, books, trash, or alcohol.
17. If the lecture hall is big enough, get someone else's notes.
18. You begin to nap again (also not new).
19. Your bill in the bookstore will almost equal tuition.
20. Isn't it amazing that the book your professor wrote is always required for his class?
21. Labs used to be fun.
22. T.A. used to stand for teaching assistant, now, for terribly articulated.
23. Squirt guns equal stress relief.
24. E-mail becomes your second language.
25. Frat parties are exactly like they are in the movies.
26. Ten-page papers used to sound impossible, now they're a Godsend.
27. You never realized so many people are smarter than you.
28. You never realized so many people are dumber than you.
29. Professors are like celebrities: you see them, but they never see you.
30. Western Europe could be wiped out by a horrible plague and you'd never know, but you could recite last week's episode of "Friends" verbatim.
31. See every movie under $3 that your campus provides; it's actually proportional to the amount of money you have.
32. Roadtrip whenever possible.
33. Pick up all new lingo.
34. Bum rides, money, notes and snacks as much as you can get them.
35. Don't burn bridges, especially if he's good in Biology.
36. Plain pasta never constituted a complete meal before.
37. The health service attendants are there because they couldn't make it in a real hospital, never ever forget that.
38. Forget putting the toilet seat down,you just pray that they flush.
39. Frisbee becomes a contact sport.
40. Care packages rank up there with birthdays.
41. College girls are the same as high school girls, just with more freedom...and no curfew.
42. It was never this bad when you got sick.
43. Pop a vitamin and breakfast is covered.
44. Learn to love your roommate, especially when he leaves you the room.
45. You always thought that worshipping the porcelain god was just an expression...it's not!
46. You'll learn more about male genetalia than you ever thought necessary, guys talk more about that than women and sex put together.
47. Beware the freshman 15, or in some cases, the freshman cup size.
48. Even though the beds are long, they are also extra narrow.
49. Things that were a huge deal in high school are now commonplace.
50. You never thought you would share so much about yourself with people you have known for such a short time.
51. Computer games go in and out faster than the latest fashions.
52. Any game can be made into a drinking game.
53. Disney movies are more than just classics.
54. Find one thing you like in the dining hall and go with it.
55. You will hear more stupid nicknames than you ever thought possible.
56. Phone calls almost never happen and when they do, you just don't get the messages.
57. Cereal makes a meal any time of day.
58. Keep your high school term papers; nowadays, everything is recycled.
59. ATMs are the devil's advocate.
60. Beware the boy in the Care Bear toga.
61. You almost forget how to drive.
62. You'll drink anything if it's free..
63. People still cheat, it's just more technologically advanced.
64. You get really good with excuses for skipping class.
65. The girl you're going to marry may live right next door, so keep your stereo down.
66. Ordering food at 1 am is a common occurance.
67. You never realized how cool you can be.
68. TV becomes a bigger time sucker than ever before.
69. You realize how great your hell summer job was once you get to work study.
70. Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them more than ever before.
71. You meet the type of people you only thought existed in the movies.
72. You learn to sleep with light, noise, extreme temps, and roommates snoring.
73. You don't have to cover your textbooks anymore.
74. You become a juggler with the balance between school, friends, girls, activities, work, parties...
75. You live for chicken finger day at the cafeteria.
76. People that were geeks in high school seem okay now.
77. You begin to realize that college is about the ideal lifestyle, except for those pesky classes.
78. You get good at rationalizing on whether to do homework or not (usually not).
79. Procrastination becomes an art.
80. Jeans may be worn as many times as the wearer desires (for example, see # 12).
81. The only reason you ever dress up is when everything else is dirty.
82. Your parents start to tell you stories about their college days.
83. With all the wealth of knowledge around you, you start to feel like you're on intellectual welfare.
84. Going to the mini-mart is a major treat.
85. Amount of alcohol consumed is directly proportional to grade point average.
86. You have two kinds of shoes: everyday shoes and party shoes.
87. Classes: the later the better.
88. The cute girls actually talk to you now.
89. Care packages make it all worthwhile.
90. The longer you're there, the less you talk about home.
91. Always wear your safety goggles, they're not kidding.
92. You just don't learn last names.
93. Your teachers just went from Mr. and Mrs. to Prof.
94. That calculator Tetris and Duck Hunt come into play even more than in high school Physics class.
95. Card games never lasted for hours before.
96. Vacuuming happens every semester, if you get around to it.
97. Boys will dance in college.
98. People who never talked to you in high school are now your best friends when you come home.
99. You are never alone.
100. You find out what beer sludge is.
101. It's amazing how late you can stay up doing absolutely nothing, yet falling asleep in class or in the library takes an average of two seconds.
102. You spend a ridiculous amount of time pondering the mystery of whether the cafeteria Lucky Charms are the real thing.
103. People magazine is your deep philosophical reading material.
104. You begin to subdivide your room into sections such as den, library, etc. to make it sound like a house.
105. All you have to do to make new friends is have mom send up some cookies.
106. You never realized how quiet your house was.
107. Dishes aren't dirty enough to wash until they have bugs and/or mold in them.
108. Printers only break down when you desperately need them.
109. You get along so much better with your family now that you never see any of them.
110. Your life will never be the same again.
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