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Technology


signs your co-worker is a hacker
 
 
  1. Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.
  2. Has won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.
  3. When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.
  4. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
  5. Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.
  6. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeeez!" 295 times during the movie "The Net."
  7. Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.
  8. Their video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons.
  9. Instead of the "Welcome" voice on AOL, you overhear, "Good Morning, Mr./Ms. President."
  10. You hear them murmur, "Let's see you use that VISA card now, Professor "I-Don't-Give-A's-In-Computer-Science!"
nerd season
 
 
A trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees a truck stop on the side of the road. So he decides to pull over.

On aproaching the door he sees a sign that says: NO NERDS.

He shrugs it off and enters. He's greeted by the end of a shotgun barrel in his face. "Are you a nerd?" the bartender asks. "No, I'm a truck driver," he replies. He's allowed to come in, so he orders a cup of coffee, sits at the bar and drinks it.

While he drinks his coffee, a man walks in wearing his pants up to his chest, a plaid shirt, pocket protector and thick-framed glass. The bartender pulls out his shotgun and blows him away. "What the hell did you do that for!?" asks the trucker. "Well," the bartender answers, "It's nerd season."

"Nerd season?" asks the trucker, confused.

"Yeah. See, the nerd population in this town is getting out of hand, so we've opened up nerd season." So, with that, the trucker finishes his coffee and goes back on the road.

While he drives the car in front of him suddenly swerves and wrecks. To avoid becoming part the disaster, he swerves to get out of way. The swerve's to hard. His tractor trailer flips and he dumps his load all over the road. He gets out of his truck to see nerds coming from all directions grabbing everything they can. He doesn't know what to do. He's gotta stop this. Remembering what the bartender told him, he goes back to the truck and pulls out his gun and starts picking them off, one by one.

While doing this, a highway patrol officer starts running after him, waving his arms screaming, "STOP! STOP!"

"What?" the trucker asks, confused, "I thought it was nerd season?"

"Well yeah," the officer answers, "but you can't bait 'em!"

microsoft and a halter top
 
 
What do Microsoft and a halter top have in common?

Both offer very little support!

microsoft in detroit?
 
 
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1000 mi/gal." Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?" and also noted the following consequences of GM imitating Microsoft:

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car fault" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say "are you sure?" before going off.
10. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.


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