DARK SUCKERS - Whatever jokes

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DARK SUCKERS
For years it has been believed that electric bulbs  emitted light.  However, more recent information  has proven otherwise.  Electric bulbs don't emit  light, they suck dark.  Thus we call these bulbs dark suckers. 

The dark sucker theory proves the  existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than  that of light, and that dark is faster than light.    The basis of the dark sucker theory is that  electric bulbs suck dark.  Take, for example, the  dark suckers in the room where you are.  There is  less dark right next to them than there is  elsewhere.  The larger the dark sucker, the  greater its capacity to suck dark.  Dark suckers  in a  parking lot have much greater capacity than  the ones in this room.    As with all things, dark suckers don't last  forever.  Once they are full of dark, they can no  longer suck.  This is proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker.  A candle is a primitive dark  sucker.  A new candle has a whitewick.  You will  notice that after the first use, the wick turns  black, representing all of the dark that has been  sucked into it.  If you hold a pencil next to the  wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn  black because it got in the way of the dark  flowing into the candle.

Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a  very limited range.  There are also portable dark  suckers.  The bulbs in these can't handle all of  the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a  dark storage unit. When the dark storage unit is  full, it must either be emptied or replaced before  the portable dark sucker can operate again.    Dark has mass.  When dark goes into a dark sucker,  friction from this mass generates heat.  Thus, it  is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker.    Candles present a special problem as the dark must  travel into a solid wick instead of through glass.    This generates a great amount of heat.  Thus, it  can be very dangerous to touch an operating  candle. 

Dark is also heavier than light.  If you  swim just below the surface of a lake, you will  see a lot of light.  If you swim deeper and  deeper, you notice it gets slowly darker and  darker.  When you reach the depth of approximately  50 feet, you are in total darkness.  This is  because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of  the lake, and the lighter light floats to the top.    The immense power of dark can be utilized to man's  advantage.  We can collect the dark that has  settled to the bottom of lakes and push it through  turbines.  This generates electricity and helps  push dark to the ocean, where it can be safely  stored.  Prior to turbines, it was much more  difficult to get dark from the rivers and lakes to  the ocean.  The Indians recognized this problem  and tried to solve it.  When on a river in a canoe  traveling in the same direction as the flow of the  dark, they paddled slowly, so as not to stop the  flow of dark.  When they traveled against the flow  of dark, they paddled quickly so as to help push  the dark along its way.    Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than  light.  If you were to stand in an illuminated  room in front of a closed, dark closet, then  slowly open the closet door, you would see the  light slowly enter the closet; but since the dark  is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark  leave the closet. 

In conclusion, I would like to say that dark  suckers make all our lives much easier.  So the  next time you look at an electric light bulb,  remember that it is, indeed, a dark sucker.