funny ads jokes

The following are items found overseas in which people have made inappropriate use of English words for various products, and bizarre menu items in restaurants.

Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce - China

Indonesian Nazi Goreng - Hong Kong

Muscles Of Marines/Lobster Thermos - Cairo

French fried ships - Cairo

Garlic Coffee - Europe

Sole Bonne Femme (Fish Landlady style) - Europe

Boiled Frogfish - Europe

Sweat from the trolley - Europe

Dreaded veal cutlet with potatoes in cream - China

Rainbow Trout, Fillet Streak, Popotoes, Chocolate Mouse - Hong Kong

Roasted duck let loose - Poland

Beef rashers beaten up in the country peoples fashion - Poland

Fried friendship - Nepal

Strawberry crap - Japan

Pork with fresh garbage - Vietnam

Toes with butter and jam - Bali

French Creeps - L.A.

Fried fishermen - Japan

Teppan Yaki - Before Your Cooked Right Eyes - Japan

Pepelea's Meat Balls - Romania

Product Names

Clean Finger Nail - Chinese tissues

Kolic - Japanese mineral water

Creap Creamy Powder - Japanese Coffee Creamer

Swine - Chinese chocolates

Libido - Chinese soda

Pocari Sweat - Japanese sport drink

Shocking - Japanese chewing gum

Cat Wetty - Japanese moistened hand towels

Pipi - Yugoslavian orangeade

Polio - Czechoslovakian laundry detergent

Crundy - Japanese gourmet candy

Superglans - Netherlands car wax

I'm Dripper - Japanese instant coffee

Zit - Greek soft drink

Colon Plus - Spanish detergent

These are fabricated corporate slogans that would never have made if far if they entered the real world.

Microsoft: "How much are you going to pay today?"

MTV: "Loud and easy to spell."

Saks 5th Avenue: "You Could Shop Here if You're Poor, But That Would be Stupid!"

Iguana: "The other green meat."

Nike: "Just buy the shoes, you flabby spineless lump!"

Daisy Air Rifles: "Keeping kids off your lawn for over forty years."

Canon Photocopiers: "Quit calling them Xeroxes!"

Apple MacIntosh: "Hey, we thought of it first!"

Radio Shack: "You've got questions, we've got geek losers!"

Professional Bowling on NBC: "Oh, why don't you just go ahead and kill yourself instead?"

CLASSIFIED ERRORS, from a small-town daily:

(Monday) FORE SALE - R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 555-0707 after 7 p.m. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.

(Tuesday) NOTICE - We regret having erred in R. D. Jone's ad yesterday. It should have read: One sewing machine for sale. Cheap: 555-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him after 7 p.m.

(Wednesday) NOTICE - R. D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in his classified ad yesterday. His ad stands corrected as follows: FOR SALE - R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 555-0707 and ask Mrs. Kelly who loves with him.

(Thursday) NOTICE - I, R. D. Jones, have NO sewing machine for sale. I SMASHED IT. Don't call 555-0707, as the telephone has been disconnected. I have NOT been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she quit."

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

Whatever Their motives, Moms Who Kill Kids still Shock Us: Holland Sentinal, date unknown.

Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut: The New York Times, November 22

Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find: The Los Angeles Times, November 2

'Light' meals are lower in fat, calories: Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30

Alcohol ads promote drinking: The Hartford Courant, November 18

Malls try to attract shoppers: The Baltimore Sun, October 22

Official: Only rain will cure drought: The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts

Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men: The Sunday Oregonian, September 24

Low Wages Said Key to Poverty: Newsday, July 11