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funny thoughts


ponderings collection 15
 
 
Why do they report power outages on TV?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

I asked my wife why there were so many dings on the driver's side of her Mercedes and she said the brakes must be bad on that side.

After you lose an election, will they let you back into all the exclusive clubs you resigned from?

This is the only place in the country where people pull over and stop for a funeral, but speed up to cut off an ambulence or a firetruck.

I went out today and bought everything I've been wanting, because now that the elections are over, I know that the politicians are going to take care of the middle class.

The best advice for teenagers is, leave home now while you still know everything.

I really feel sorry for Madonna's baby, having to grow without a last name.

Is it a law of nature that women have to sneeze as soon as they apply their mascara?

The two biggest problems in America are making ends meet and making meetings end.

ponderings collection 19
 
 
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

ponderings collection 22
 
 
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way.

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!

Who's bigger? Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger's baby! Mr. Bigger's baby because he is a little bigger!

Do fish get cramps after eating?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Why are there 5 sylables in the word "monosylabic"?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

ponderings collection 23
 
 
If progress is technology moving forward,then what is congress?

Why do we go under over-passes and over under-passes?

What if C-A-T really spelled DOG?

How do "Keep off the grass" signs get where they are?

If the plural of "mouse" is "mice, shouldn't the plural of "house" be "hice"?

What happens to the holes when all the cheese has been eaten?

If you put orange juice in the freezer it becomes frozen, then why when you squeeze an orange doesn't it become squozen?

Why is there only one Monopolies commission?

Why do ballet dancers always dance on their toes? Wouldn't it be easier to just hire taller dancers?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?


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