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12001 - Answering message 222 - funny answering machine messages
So! You've finally called. And I suppose you think I'll just be here. Well yo... [read complete]
12002 - Answering message 224 - funny answering machine messages
(Annoying radio announcer's voice:) Congratulations! You have reached 555-123... [read complete]
12003 - Answering message 226 - funny answering machine messages
I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow. So please leave a me... [read complete]
12004 - Answering message 228 - funny answering machine messages
(Noisy pick-up of phone.) Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Tro... [read complete]
12005 - Answering message 230 - funny answering machine messages
Random fact number 10: The first manned mission to Jupiter will be crewed by ... [read complete]
12006 - Answering message 232 - funny answering machine messages
Hi, this is Jim. Thanks for calling during my spring pledge drive. A basic me... [read complete]
12007 - Answering message 234 - funny answering machine messages
Thank you for calling, no doubt, As you can guess, we're out. When we get hom... [read complete]
12008 - Answering message 236 - funny answering machine messages
Hello, this is Marlin's answering machine reminding you that yesterday was th... [read complete]
12009 - Answering message 238 - funny answering machine messages
Knock, knock. (Pause. Caller thinks, "Who's there?") Isn't that MY question? (Pause.) Please leave a message...
12010 - Answering message 240 - funny answering machine messages
I can't come to the phone now, so... Hey -- that's a nice phone you have ther... [read complete]
12011 - Answering message 167 - funny answering machine messages
When the caller calls your number, as Steven Wright suggested, simply have your message be a busy signal!
12012 - Answering message 169 - funny answering machine messages
Thank you for calling the Peoria Weather Line. (Insert appropriate weather report for the season here.)
12013 - Answering message 171 - funny answering machine messages
Please hang up now if you would want to speak to Johan. Otherwise, please stay on the line to leave him a message.
12014 - Answering message 173 - funny answering machine messages
(Fairly boring message:) This is John. I can't come to the phone right now, b... [read complete]
12015 - Answering message 175 - funny answering machine messages
Hello, you have reached 555-1234. Our voice mail system is currently experien... [read complete]
12016 - Answering message 177 - funny answering machine messages
Hello. (Pause.) Hello? (Pause.) Hello! (Pause.) No, it doesn't look as if I'm... [read complete]
12017 - Answering message 179 - funny answering machine messages
Hello? (Pause. Roommate's voice:) C'mon, Matt, we're gonna be late! -- Hold o... [read complete]
12018 - Answering message 181 - funny answering machine messages
(From a distance:) Hello I'm far very away from the phone at the moment and c... [read complete]
12019 - Answering message 183 - funny answering machine messages
Thank you for calling the CSU Automated Hearing Test Line. Prepare for Test 1... [read complete]
12020 - Answering message 185 - funny answering machine messages
(Pick up the phone and say:) This is Chris. I'm not here right now. Leave me a message. BEEP. (Then listen.)
12021 - Answering message 187 - funny answering machine messages
Hello, we are all currently home, but someone stole our phone... And the reco... [read complete]
12022 - Answering message 189 - funny answering machine messages
This is Jeff, you're not in now, so I'll leave a message.
12023 - Answering message 191 - funny answering machine messages
Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a mes... [read complete]
12024 - Answering message 193 - funny answering machine messages
You've reached Mike and Nancy's answering machine. They're not home right now... [read complete]
12025 - Answering message 195 - funny answering machine messages
Hello, please send me email instead. I always never playback these stupid ans... [read complete]
12026 - Answering message 197 - funny answering machine messages
This is Frank. You can leave me a message, but I must warn you I get annoyed ... [read complete]
12027 - Answering message 199 - funny answering machine messages
OK, one more time... This is our answering machine... This is the message on our answering machine... Any questions?
12028 - Answering message 201 - funny answering machine messages
Thank you for reaching out to us. Nobody is home now. However, if you leave a message, we'll reach out and touch you.
12029 - Answering message 203 - funny answering machine messages
Despite the best efforts of the telephone company, you really DID reach 555-1... [read complete]
12030 - Answering message 205 - funny answering machine messages
Hello. If you're calling with bad news, leave your message now. If it's good news, wait for the tone.
12031 - Answering message 207 - funny answering machine messages
Hello, this is your local zoo. Do you like animals? We are experiencing sever... [read complete]
12032 - Answering message 209 - funny answering machine messages
Congratulations! By correctly dialing 123-4567, you have become eligible to l... [read complete]
12033 - Answering message 211 - funny answering machine messages
As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality. You beg... [read complete]
12034 - Answering message 213 - funny answering machine messages
I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am...
12035 - Answering message 215 - funny answering machine messages
I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is an ans... [read complete]
12036 - Answering message 217 - funny answering machine messages
(Strong east Indian accent:) Hello, you have reached the existential hotline ... [read complete]
12037 - Answering message 219 - funny answering machine messages
I am gathering the world's largest collection of responses to an answering ma... [read complete]
12038 - Answering message 221 - funny answering machine messages
Hello. Here are my answers to last week's messages, in order of their arrival... [read complete]
12039 - Answering message 223 - funny answering machine messages
(Noble, aristocratic voice:) Yes, one million dollars could be yours, IF you ... [read complete]
12040 - Answering message 225 - funny answering machine messages
(Oriental voice:) Hello, you have reached honorable Chan's residence. I, Kato... [read complete]
12041 - Answering message 227 - funny answering machine messages
(Aussie accent:) Hi, how 'ya goin', listen, I'm not here, but I tell ya what,... [read complete]
12042 - Answering message 229 - funny answering machine messages
If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right ... [read complete]
12043 - Answering message 231 - funny answering machine messages
In Japan, the hand can be used like a knife. (Heeeeee-YAH! Sound of smashing ... [read complete]
12044 - Answering message 233 - funny answering machine messages
(Drunken voice:) You have reached Bob's hotline. We are not able to respond d... [read complete]
12045 - Answering message 235 - funny answering machine messages
Sorry that we're not at home. Please leave a message after the tone. When we ... [read complete]
12046 - Answering message 237 - funny answering machine messages
(Jack Webb voice:) This is the city. Lambertville, New Jersey. I work here. I... [read complete]
12047 - Answering message 239 - funny answering machine messages
Yo. I ain't here at the moment. Leave a message at that silly beep and I'll g... [read complete]
12048 - Answering message 241 - funny answering machine messages
Bridge, Kirk here.
12049 - Answering message 243 - funny answering machine messages
(Star Trek theme in the background:) (Voice 1:) Room 17, the final frontier. ... [read complete]
12050 - Answering message 245 - funny answering machine messages
(Bad imitations:) Picard: Assume standard orbit, Mr. LaForge. Sensor readings... [read complete]
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