confusion about y2k
Dear Boss,
I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K dates problem makes any sense to me.
At any rate I have finished converting all the months on all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following improved months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk.
In addition, I have changed the days of the week, and they are now: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.
Is it enough, or should I change any other Y to K? I am a fan of the New York Yankees. Should I call them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K ready?
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I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K dates problem makes any sense to me.
At any rate I have finished converting all the months on all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following improved months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk.
In addition, I have changed the days of the week, and they are now: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.
Is it enough, or should I change any other Y to K? I am a fan of the New York Yankees. Should I call them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K ready?
mailing list users change
Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Exactly five hundred.
1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed.
7 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently or to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
17 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
21 to flame the spell checkers.
49 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
20 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
32 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb.
69 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
41 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this mail list.
106 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
12 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
8 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
2 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
15 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add pointedly, "Me Too."
6 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
9 to quote the "Me Too's" and happily add, "Me Three!"
3 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
24 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
53 votes for alt.lite.bulb.
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A: Exactly five hundred.
1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed.
7 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently or to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
17 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
21 to flame the spell checkers.
49 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
20 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
32 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb.
69 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
41 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this mail list.
106 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
12 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
8 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
2 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
15 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add pointedly, "Me Too."
6 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
9 to quote the "Me Too's" and happily add, "Me Three!"
3 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
24 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
53 votes for alt.lite.bulb.
the apple explosion
OFFICE MEMO
Date: 1/18/96
SPINDLER CALLS IN AIR STRIKE, DESTROYS APPLE TO SAVE IT
Stock Price Increases 50%
"We'll do it better," Says Microsoft
CUPERTINO, Calif. JANUARY 18, 1996
The massive pile of smoking rubble near Interstate 280 here in Cupertino was not the result of an earthquake or natural gas explosion, as officials first believed.
It now appears that the terrific explosion and fire at Apple Computer headquarters was the result of the first corporate-initiated airstrike on U.S. or California soil in U.S. history.
Sources within Apple have told newspapers that, in an effort to save Apple from an internal coup that would result in the breakup and sale of the company, embattled Apple CEO Michael Spindler called in elements of the California Air National Guard, based at Moffet Federal Air Station in Mountain View, Calif. to bomb and strafe his own headquarters.
Spindler allegedly called the California Air National Guard late last night and ordered the airstrike, using an Apple Macintosh Quadra A/V with experimental sound cards to simulate the voice of California Governor Pete Wilson.
Within Apple, Spindler is seen as a hero. "Cool! He called in an airstrike on his own position to save his company," said one internal Apple applications developer, who gave his name as "Scooter." "It was like one of those cool movies about, like, you know, Viet Nam, that I read about it on the Web, dude."
A memo to key staffers, reportedly written by Spindler himself, explained the need for the sir strike to counter moves by Apple managers and board members to oust him in a corporate coup and to simultaneously increase the company's marginal revenue. "Existing Macintoshes, both those in use and those in warehouses, will instantly become collector's items and therefore increase dramatically in value," according to the memo, which went on to explain that "this action will therefore increase our margins on existing stock with no cost to our sales and manufacturing operations." Spindler, said to be ailing, is in seclusion. Attempts to reach him by phone mail and fax were unsuccessful.
Apple stock shot up 50% on the news, as Wall Street apparently agreed with Spindler's strategy. "Blowing up his own headquarters was a stroke of genius," said one Wall Street analyst. "This is the kind of pure creative, self-destructive genius we used to see when Steve Jobs was at Apple. It's like the old days. Mac is back!" Overall, computer stock stocks rose 75% as a result of the Apple news, then plunged 80% later in the day on rumors that Dan Dorfman had been seen having lunch with Jim Clark and Marc Andreeson.
The Spindler airstrike memo, obtained via Internet e-mail by this reporter, was fragmented and missing key information. Apparently, the strike was planned for January 1, but key aides to Spindler did not receive the e-mail until yesterday due to routing table buffer problems and addressing errors.
Cupertino city officials issued a statement at 10:00 PST this morning calling the air strike "an unfortunate incident that, while we hope we will all gain something from it, we hope it did not offend anyone of any race, creed, color, religion, thought process or emotional state, and we must emphasize that the City of Cupertino had no role in this incident if it did." Class-action lawsuits against Apple and the city, alleging emotional trauma resulting in a lost train of thought, loss of computing resources and interrupted Internet access have already been filed in California State Court.
Later, when told by federal officials that the city will qualify for both federal disaster relief funds and labor department funds for unemployment and job training programs as a result of the destruction, Mayor Bob Mellow said, "Cool. We applaud Apple and Mike Spindler for having the vision and courage to take this decisive action, and hope that our earlier statement was taken in the spirit in which it was meant."
In Redmond, Wash., Microsoft announced plans to build and detonate several networked low-yield nuclear devices at its own headquarters some time in 1997. "This is a project we already had underway," said a spokeswoman for Microsoft chairman Bill Gates. "We just decided that the marketplace won't be ready for it until 1997. Or 1998, if we decide that's when we really want to do it. Or maybe later. Right now, we're hiring additional staff, developing new technology and getting ready to copy Apple's idea, strategy and execution. Oops, I meant to say that we're evaluating previously extant competitive actions." The project, dubbed Curtains `97, is expected by analysts to be complete some time in 1999.
Apple announced it will sue Microsoft in federal court over the "look and feel" of the use of explosive devices in business and home computing product strategies.
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Date: 1/18/96
SPINDLER CALLS IN AIR STRIKE, DESTROYS APPLE TO SAVE IT
Stock Price Increases 50%
"We'll do it better," Says Microsoft
CUPERTINO, Calif. JANUARY 18, 1996
The massive pile of smoking rubble near Interstate 280 here in Cupertino was not the result of an earthquake or natural gas explosion, as officials first believed.
It now appears that the terrific explosion and fire at Apple Computer headquarters was the result of the first corporate-initiated airstrike on U.S. or California soil in U.S. history.
Sources within Apple have told newspapers that, in an effort to save Apple from an internal coup that would result in the breakup and sale of the company, embattled Apple CEO Michael Spindler called in elements of the California Air National Guard, based at Moffet Federal Air Station in Mountain View, Calif. to bomb and strafe his own headquarters.
Spindler allegedly called the California Air National Guard late last night and ordered the airstrike, using an Apple Macintosh Quadra A/V with experimental sound cards to simulate the voice of California Governor Pete Wilson.
Within Apple, Spindler is seen as a hero. "Cool! He called in an airstrike on his own position to save his company," said one internal Apple applications developer, who gave his name as "Scooter." "It was like one of those cool movies about, like, you know, Viet Nam, that I read about it on the Web, dude."
A memo to key staffers, reportedly written by Spindler himself, explained the need for the sir strike to counter moves by Apple managers and board members to oust him in a corporate coup and to simultaneously increase the company's marginal revenue. "Existing Macintoshes, both those in use and those in warehouses, will instantly become collector's items and therefore increase dramatically in value," according to the memo, which went on to explain that "this action will therefore increase our margins on existing stock with no cost to our sales and manufacturing operations." Spindler, said to be ailing, is in seclusion. Attempts to reach him by phone mail and fax were unsuccessful.
Apple stock shot up 50% on the news, as Wall Street apparently agreed with Spindler's strategy. "Blowing up his own headquarters was a stroke of genius," said one Wall Street analyst. "This is the kind of pure creative, self-destructive genius we used to see when Steve Jobs was at Apple. It's like the old days. Mac is back!" Overall, computer stock stocks rose 75% as a result of the Apple news, then plunged 80% later in the day on rumors that Dan Dorfman had been seen having lunch with Jim Clark and Marc Andreeson.
The Spindler airstrike memo, obtained via Internet e-mail by this reporter, was fragmented and missing key information. Apparently, the strike was planned for January 1, but key aides to Spindler did not receive the e-mail until yesterday due to routing table buffer problems and addressing errors.
Cupertino city officials issued a statement at 10:00 PST this morning calling the air strike "an unfortunate incident that, while we hope we will all gain something from it, we hope it did not offend anyone of any race, creed, color, religion, thought process or emotional state, and we must emphasize that the City of Cupertino had no role in this incident if it did." Class-action lawsuits against Apple and the city, alleging emotional trauma resulting in a lost train of thought, loss of computing resources and interrupted Internet access have already been filed in California State Court.
Later, when told by federal officials that the city will qualify for both federal disaster relief funds and labor department funds for unemployment and job training programs as a result of the destruction, Mayor Bob Mellow said, "Cool. We applaud Apple and Mike Spindler for having the vision and courage to take this decisive action, and hope that our earlier statement was taken in the spirit in which it was meant."
In Redmond, Wash., Microsoft announced plans to build and detonate several networked low-yield nuclear devices at its own headquarters some time in 1997. "This is a project we already had underway," said a spokeswoman for Microsoft chairman Bill Gates. "We just decided that the marketplace won't be ready for it until 1997. Or 1998, if we decide that's when we really want to do it. Or maybe later. Right now, we're hiring additional staff, developing new technology and getting ready to copy Apple's idea, strategy and execution. Oops, I meant to say that we're evaluating previously extant competitive actions." The project, dubbed Curtains `97, is expected by analysts to be complete some time in 1999.
Apple announced it will sue Microsoft in federal court over the "look and feel" of the use of explosive devices in business and home computing product strategies.
acronyms for emacs
EMACS: Escape-Meta-Alt-Control-Shift
EMACS: Eight Megabytes And Constantly Swapping
EMACS: Even a Master of Arts Comes Simpler
EMACS: Emacs Manuals Are Cryptic and Surreal
EMACS: Energetic Merchants Always Cultivate Sales
EMACS: Each Manual's Audience is Completely Stupified
EMACS: Emacs Means A Crappy Screen
EMACS: Eventually Munches All Computer Storage
EMACS: Even My Aunt Crashes the System
EMACS: Eradication of Memory Accomplished with Complete Simplicity
EMACS: Elsewhere Maybe Alternative Civilizations Survive
EMACS: Egregious Managers Actively Court Stallman
EMACS: Esoteric Malleability Always Considered Silly
EMACS: Emacs Manuals Always Cause Senility
EMACS: Easily Maintained with the Assistance of Chemical Solutions
EMACS: Edwardian Manifestation of All Colonial Sins
EMACS: Extended Macros Are Considered Superfluous
EMACS: Every Mode Accelerates Creation of Software
EMACS: Elsewhere Maybe All Commands are Simple
EMACS: Emacs May Allow Customised Screwups
EMACS: Excellent Manuals Are Clearly Suppressed
EMACS: Emetic Macros Assault Core and Segmentation
EMACS: Embarrassed Manual-Writer Accused of Communist Subversion
EMACS: Extensibility and Modifiability Aggravate Confirmed Simpletons
EMACS: Emacs May Annihilate Command Structures
EMACS: Easily Mangles, Aborts, Crashes and Stupifies
EMACS: Extraneous Macros And Commands Stink
EMACS: Exceptionally Mediocre Algorithm for Computer Scientists
EMACS: EMACS Makes no Allowances Considering its Stiff price
EMACS: Equine Mammals Are Considerably Smaller
EMACS: Embarrassingly Mundane Advertising Cuts Sales
EMACS: Every Moron Assumes CCA is Superior
EMACS: Exceptionally Mediocre Autocratic Control System
EMACS: EMACS May Alienate Clients and Supporters
EMACS: Excavating Mayan Architecture Comes Simpler
EMACS: Erasing Minds Allows Complete Submission
EMACS: Emacs Makers Are Crazy Sickos
EMACS: Eenie-Meenie-Miney-Mo- Macros Are Completely Slow
EMACS: Experience the Mildest Ad Campaign ever Seen
EMACS: Emacs Makefiles Annihilate C- Shells
EMACS: Eradication of Memory Accomplished with Complete Simplicity
EMACS: Emetic Macros Assault Core and Segmentation
EMACS: Epileptic MLisp Aggravates Compiler Seizures
EMACS: Evenings, Mornings, And a Couple of Saturdays
EMACS: Emacs Makes All Computing Simple
EMACS: Emacs Masquerades As Comfortable Shell
EMACS: Emacs: My Alternative Computer Story
EMACS: Emacs Made Almost Completely Screwed
EMACS: Each Mail A Continued Surprise
EMACS: Every Mode Acknowledges Customized Strokes
EMACS: Eating Memory And Cycle-Sucking
EMACS: Everyday Material Almost Compiled Successfully
EMACS: Elvis Masterminds All Computer Software
EMACS: Emacs Makes A Computer Slow
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EMACS: Eight Megabytes And Constantly Swapping
EMACS: Even a Master of Arts Comes Simpler
EMACS: Emacs Manuals Are Cryptic and Surreal
EMACS: Energetic Merchants Always Cultivate Sales
EMACS: Each Manual's Audience is Completely Stupified
EMACS: Emacs Means A Crappy Screen
EMACS: Eventually Munches All Computer Storage
EMACS: Even My Aunt Crashes the System
EMACS: Eradication of Memory Accomplished with Complete Simplicity
EMACS: Elsewhere Maybe Alternative Civilizations Survive
EMACS: Egregious Managers Actively Court Stallman
EMACS: Esoteric Malleability Always Considered Silly
EMACS: Emacs Manuals Always Cause Senility
EMACS: Easily Maintained with the Assistance of Chemical Solutions
EMACS: Edwardian Manifestation of All Colonial Sins
EMACS: Extended Macros Are Considered Superfluous
EMACS: Every Mode Accelerates Creation of Software
EMACS: Elsewhere Maybe All Commands are Simple
EMACS: Emacs May Allow Customised Screwups
EMACS: Excellent Manuals Are Clearly Suppressed
EMACS: Emetic Macros Assault Core and Segmentation
EMACS: Embarrassed Manual-Writer Accused of Communist Subversion
EMACS: Extensibility and Modifiability Aggravate Confirmed Simpletons
EMACS: Emacs May Annihilate Command Structures
EMACS: Easily Mangles, Aborts, Crashes and Stupifies
EMACS: Extraneous Macros And Commands Stink
EMACS: Exceptionally Mediocre Algorithm for Computer Scientists
EMACS: EMACS Makes no Allowances Considering its Stiff price
EMACS: Equine Mammals Are Considerably Smaller
EMACS: Embarrassingly Mundane Advertising Cuts Sales
EMACS: Every Moron Assumes CCA is Superior
EMACS: Exceptionally Mediocre Autocratic Control System
EMACS: EMACS May Alienate Clients and Supporters
EMACS: Excavating Mayan Architecture Comes Simpler
EMACS: Erasing Minds Allows Complete Submission
EMACS: Emacs Makers Are Crazy Sickos
EMACS: Eenie-Meenie-Miney-Mo- Macros Are Completely Slow
EMACS: Experience the Mildest Ad Campaign ever Seen
EMACS: Emacs Makefiles Annihilate C- Shells
EMACS: Eradication of Memory Accomplished with Complete Simplicity
EMACS: Emetic Macros Assault Core and Segmentation
EMACS: Epileptic MLisp Aggravates Compiler Seizures
EMACS: Evenings, Mornings, And a Couple of Saturdays
EMACS: Emacs Makes All Computing Simple
EMACS: Emacs Masquerades As Comfortable Shell
EMACS: Emacs: My Alternative Computer Story
EMACS: Emacs Made Almost Completely Screwed
EMACS: Each Mail A Continued Surprise
EMACS: Every Mode Acknowledges Customized Strokes
EMACS: Eating Memory And Cycle-Sucking
EMACS: Everyday Material Almost Compiled Successfully
EMACS: Elvis Masterminds All Computer Software
EMACS: Emacs Makes A Computer Slow
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