computer jokes jokes

1. Thou shall love thy BBS with all thy heart and all thy bytes.
2. Thou shalt remember thy name and password.
3. Thou shalt only call a BBS two times a day.
4. Honor thy SysOp.
5. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's password, nor his or her real name, computer, software, nor any other thing belonging to him or her.
6. Thou shalt not post messages that are stupid, worthless, or have no meaning.
7. Thou shalt use the English language properly.
8. Thou shalt spell thy words correctly when ever possible.
9. Thou shalt delete thine olden messages.
10. Thou shalt help other users.
11. Thou shalt not post anonymously when offering criticism.
12. Thou shalt keep thy foul language to thyself.
13. Woe be unto the user who attempt to crash thy BBS, for he or she shalt be cast out from the sanctuary of thy hobby and must repent by doing 40 days and 40 nights of penance of voice-only communications.
14. Thou shalt first dial BBS numbers during the day by way of voice line to assure correct numbers.
15. Thou shalt not post messages while drunk.
16. Thou shalt confine thy messages to those of friendship, requests for assistance, aid to the needy, advice, and advancement of thy hobby; and thou art obligated to repel any who wouldst transgress upon those commandments.
17. If thou doth promise to reply to a message and thou doth not, then surely thou shalt spill coffee into thy keyboard and burn out thy central processing chip.
18. Thou shalt not giveth any false information when applying for membership to a BBS, for verily it is written that whosoever shall do so will surely be found out and thy welcome on all boards will be thus denied forever and ever.
19. Thou shalt log on properly and in accordance with the SysOp's rules.
20. Thou shalt observe BBS time limits.
21. Thou shalt not upload "worm" programs.
22. Thou shalt not ask stupid questions that are already fully explained in the BBS instructions.
23. Thou shalt not exchange copy protected software thru the BBS.
24. Thou shalt not violate applicable state/federal/local laws hand regulations affecting BBS telecommunications, or thy will feel the wrath of thy judicial system.
25. Thou shalt not hack.

At the time of writing, Microsoft's slogan for Windows 95 was "Where do you want to go today?" These are some alternative and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with Windows.

1. Microsoft gives you Windows - OS/2 give you the whole house.

2. A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle.

3. Windows and DOS: A turtle and its shell.

4. Bang on the left side of your computer to restart Windows.

5. Windows: The colorful clown suit for DOS.

6. Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance.

7. Windows 3.1: The best $89 solitaire game you can buy.

8. Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty.

9. I'll never forget the first time I ran Windows, but I'm trying.

10. I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better

11. My lastest screen-saver: Curtains for Windows.

12. Double your drive space: Delete Windows!

13. OS/2. Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates.

14. Out of disk space. Delete Windows? [Y]es [A]solutely [O]f Course!

15. How do you want to crash today?

Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Exactly five hundred.

1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed.

7 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently or to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

21 to flame the spell checkers.

49 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.

20 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.

32 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb.

69 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.

41 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this mail list.

106 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.

12 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

8 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.

2 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.

15 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add pointedly, "Me Too."

6 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

9 to quote the "Me Too's" and happily add, "Me Three!"

3 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.

1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.

24 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.

53 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

WinErr 001: Windows loaded - System in danger

WinErr 002: No Error - Yet

WinErr 003: Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file

WinErr 004: Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong

WinErr 005: Multitasking attempted - System confused

WinErr 006: Malicious error - Desqview found on drive

WinErr 007: System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware

WinErr 008: Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments

WinErr 009: Horrible bug encountered - God knows what happened

WinErr 00A: Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full

WinErr 00B: Inadequate disk space - Free at least 50MB

WinErr 00C: Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More!

WinErr 00D: Window closed - Do not look outside

WinErr 00E: Window open - Do not look inside

WinErr 00F: Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened

WinErr 010: Reserved for future mistakes by our developers

WinErr 011: Window open - Do not look outside

WinErr 012: Window closed - Do not look inside

WinErr 013: Unexpected error - Huh ?

WinErr 014: Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.

WinErr 018: Unrecoverable error - System destroyed. Buy new one.

WinErr 019: User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!

WinErr 01A: OS overwritten - Please reinstall all software.

WinErr 01B: Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will suffer a penalty for that.

WinErr 01C: Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadequate.

WinErr 01D: System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code.

WinErr 01E: Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.

WinErr 01F: Reserved for future mistakes of our developers.

WinErr 020: Error recording error codes - Additional errors will be lost.

WinErr 042: Virus error - A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automatically be closed and the virus will be activated again.

WinErr 079: Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.

WinErr 103: Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered. Additional errors may not be displayed or recorded.

WinErr 678: This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

WinErr 683: Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure.

WinErr 815: Insufficient Memory - Only 50,312,583 Bytes available.

WinErr 912: Purchase a new copy of Windows today. Old license void. Windows has been deleted.