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computer jokes


new windows slogans
 
 
At the time of writing, Microsoft's slogan for Windows 95 was "Where do you want to go today?" These are some alternative and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with Windows.

1. Microsoft gives you Windows - OS/2 give you the whole house.

2. A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle.

3. Windows and DOS: A turtle and its shell.

4. Bang on the left side of your computer to restart Windows.

5. Windows: The colorful clown suit for DOS.

6. Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance.

7. Windows 3.1: The best $89 solitaire game you can buy.

8. Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty.

9. I'll never forget the first time I ran Windows, but I'm trying.

10. I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better

11. My lastest screen-saver: Curtains for Windows.

12. Double your drive space: Delete Windows!

13. OS/2. Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates.

14. Out of disk space. Delete Windows? [Y]es [A]solutely [O]f Course!

15. How do you want to crash today?

acronyms for languages
 
 
ADA: A Dumb Arrangement
ADA: A Dumb Acronym
ADA: A Dumb Annoyance

BASIC: Boring And Shamelessly Idiotic Coders
BASIC: Badly Assembled, Severely Illogical Code
BASIC: Beginner's Algorithms for Seemingly Infinite Confusion

C: Crud
C: Confusing

COBOL: Completly Outdated, Badly Overused Language
COBOL: Completly Overused, Badly Outdated Language
COBOL: Cowards Only Buy Outdated Languages
COBOL: Cowards Only Build Outdated Languages
COBOL: Crap Operated By Obsessed lunatics
COBOL: Crap Often Bothers Our Lethargy
COBOL: Crap Ostracized By Our Loathing
COBOL: Compiles Only Because Of Luck
COBOL: Cumbersome, Overdone, Badly Organized Language
COBOL: Coded Only By Obsessed Lunatics

FORTRAN: Files Only Run Through Right At Never-neverland

LISP: Lots of Insanely Stupid Parentheses
LISP: Lots of Irritating Superfluous Parentheses

PASCAL: Programmers Against Structured Code And Language

others using your e-mail
 
 
10. "Honey, why is an 18-wheeler from Amazon.com backing into our driveway?"

9. One Secret Service agent is sitting on your head while another is slapping cuffs on you.

8. Apparently, your flame war with DonCorleone@mafia.com is about to turn ugly.

7. When you log on, your computer says "You've got lawsuits!"

6. You're suddenly getting more Spam than the Hormel outlet store.

5. Sotheby's says the Rembrandt is yours and that you now owe them $71,000,000 and change.

4. You now have 130,000 ClubTop5 subscriptions and the list moderator is on the cover of Business Week.

3. Terse "Knock it off, Oedipus" e-mail from your Mom.

2. Your wife calls you at the office to report that Pogdi, your Pakistani mail-order bride, has arrived.

1. "The resistance welcomes your involvement. Your contact information has been forwarded to a local insurgent who will bring supplies and reinforcements to you immediately."

This document copyright © 1999 by Chris White.

windows errors codes
 
 
  • WinErr 001: Windows loaded - System in danger
  • WinErr 002: No Error - Yet
  • WinErr 003: Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
  • WinErr 004: Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong
  • WinErr 005: Multitasking attempted - System confused
  • WinErr 006: Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
  • WinErr 007: System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware
  • WinErr 008: Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
  • WinErr 009: Horrible bug encountered - God knows what happened
  • WinErr 00A: Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
  • WinErr 00B: Inadequate disk space - Free at least 50MB
  • WinErr 00C: Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More!
  • WinErr 00D: Window closed - Do not look outside
  • WinErr 00E: Window open - Do not look inside
  • WinErr 00F: Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
  • WinErr 010: Reserved for future mistakes by our developers
  • WinErr 011: Window open - Do not look outside
  • WinErr 012: Window closed - Do not look inside
  • WinErr 013: Unexpected error - Huh ?
  • WinErr 014: Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.
  • WinErr 018: Unrecoverable error - System destroyed. Buy new one.
  • WinErr 019: User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!
  • WinErr 01A: OS overwritten - Please reinstall all software.
  • WinErr 01B: Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will suffer a penalty for that.
  • WinErr 01C: Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadequate.
  • WinErr 01D: System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code.
  • WinErr 01E: Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.
  • WinErr 01F: Reserved for future mistakes of our developers.
  • WinErr 020: Error recording error codes - Additional errors will be lost.
  • WinErr 042: Virus error - A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automatically be closed and the virus will be activated again.
  • WinErr 079: Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.
  • WinErr 103: Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered. Additional errors may not be displayed or recorded.
  • WinErr 678: This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
  • WinErr 683: Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure.
  • WinErr 815: Insufficient Memory - Only 50,312,583 Bytes available.
  • WinErr 912: Purchase a new copy of Windows today. Old license void. Windows has been deleted.


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