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chemistry song 07
 
 
Quantum Chemistry

On the first day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: An exam in Quantum Chemistry.

On the second day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: a double integral and an exam in Quantum Chemistry.

On the third day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: three orbitals, a double integral, and an exam in Quantum Chemistry.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: four harmonic oscillators, three orbitals, etc.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: Five Hermitian Operators! Four harmonic ocillators, three orbitals, etc.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: six spin-orbit couplings, etc.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: seven basis functions, etc.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: eight time dependent perturbations, etc.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: nine Slater determinants, etc.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: ten electrons tunneling, etc.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: eleven photons emitting, etc.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: 12 fermions exchanging, etc.

good to be chemist
 
 
REASONS TO BE A CHEMIST

- All the coffee and pocket protectors you could want!

- Clark Kent style safety glasses

. - Exposure to all kinds of toxic and cancerous substances.

- The "opportunity" to deal with irate clients asking "where are my results?"

- Because it's pHun :)

- Access to 100% pure ethanol

- Knowing how to completely dissolve the bodies of your enemies

- You never have to worry about what you're doing on Friday night (You're working in the lab)

- Permanent goggle marks cheaper than a tattoo.

- You wish to be blamed for all faults in the environment.

- ditto for cancer

- You are adept at poverty cooking

- You prefer to get your course credits the hard way

rhymes in chemistry
 
 
CHEMISTRY RHYMES
Old Man Stokes
Old man Stokes was a gentleman fine
Who lived beside the Raleigh line;
Old anti-Stokes, his existance denied,
Lived never-the-less on the other side.

jokes of science 01
 
 
At the physics exam: 'Describe the universe in 200 words and give three examples.'

Q: What do physicists enjoy doing the most at baseball games?
A: The 'wave'.

The Stanford Linear Accelerator Center was known as SLAC, until the big earthquake, when it became known as SPLAC. SPLAC? Stanford Piecewise Linear Accelerator.

A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks: Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop by this train?

Researchers in Fairbanks Alaska announced last week that they have discovered a superconductor which will operate at room temperature.

The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the good student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)"

One day in class, Richard Feynman was talking about angular momentum. He described rotation matrices and mentioned that they did not commute. He said that Sir William Hamilton discovered noncommutivity one night when he was taking a walk in his garden with Lady Hamilton. As they sat down on a bench, there was a moment of passion. It was then that he discovered that AB did not equal BA.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.


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