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jokes of science 01
At the physics exam: 'Describe the universe in 200 words and give three examples.'

Q: What do physicists enjoy doing the most at baseball games?
A: The 'wave'.

The Stanford Linear Accelerator Center was known as SLAC, until the big earthquake, when it became known as SPLAC. SPLAC? Stanford Piecewise Linear Accelerator.

A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks: Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop by this train?

Researchers in Fairbanks Alaska announced last week that they have discovered a superconductor which will operate at room temperature.

The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the good student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)"

One day in class, Richard Feynman was talking about angular momentum. He described rotation matrices and mentioned that they did not commute. He said that Sir William Hamilton discovered noncommutivity one night when he was taking a walk in his garden with Lady Hamilton. As they sat down on a bench, there was a moment of passion. It was then that he discovered that AB did not equal BA.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

chemistry song 10
We Wish You a Happy Halogen

We wish you a happy halogen
We wish you a happy halogen
We wish you a happy halogen
To react with a metal.

Good acid we bring
to you and your base.
We wish you a merry molecule
and a happy halogen.

chemistry song 15
Iron the Red Atom Molecule
(to the tune of "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer")

There was Cobalt and Argon and Carbon and Fluorine
Silver and Boron and Neon and Bromine
But do you recall
the most famous element of all?

Iron the red atom molecule
had a very shiny orbital
And if you ever saw him
You'd enjoy his magnetic glow
All of the other molecules
used to laugh and call him Ferrum
They never let poor Iron
join in any reaction games.
Then one inert Chemistry eve
Santa came to say
Iron with your orbital so bright
won't you catalyze the reaction tonight?
Then how the atoms reacted
and combined in twos and threes
Iron the red atom molecule
you'll go down in Chemistry!

the alcohol trouble
During grammar school science experiements into properties of different alcohols:

The residue of each test was tipped down the sinks, which were grouped in threes. There were no U-bends, but each group of sinks emptied into a single box, which overflowed into the mains sewers. Presumably this was intended to retain things like droplets of mercury, which was not banned from use when I was 16.

During the session, my bunsen went out, so I re-lit it with a splint lit from the teacher's bunsen. For safety's sake (!) I dropped the burning splint into the sink, intending to extinguish it with water, instead of waving it around in the alcohol fumes. A small blue flame disappeared down the plughole. Hum, thinks I, I wonder where that's going?

I opened the cupboard 'neath the sink, only to find the drain box, full of alcohol, a roaring mass of flame. Shutting the doors, I called out, "Er, Sir..." just as the inch-thick wooden lids blew off the adjacent un-used sinks. Fortunately, the back-blast extinguished the flames under the cupboard, so the box only sagged slightly!

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