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would you define ocr?
 
 
OCR - Optical Character Recognition

A technology that can take written words and convert them back into computer-readable form, provided they're in the right font, using the correct colors sometimes, at the right point size and pitch, dark enough on the paper, and you're prepared to spend several centuries correcting all the 1's that came out as l's, all the O's that came out as 0's, and all the :'s that come out like ;'s.

internet highway blues
 
 
The Information Highway Blues

My baby's got my 486.

My cellular phone's on the blink.

My fax's gone off to fax heaven,

And Pay For View stinks.

I got the blues, I got the Information Highway bluuuuues.

I got the bluuuuues, I got the Information Highway blues.

I lost my account on the Internet.

My email's been revoked.

My modem's stuck at 300 baud,

And my terminal just blinks.

I got the blues, I got the Information Highway bluuuuues .

I got the bluuuuues, I got the Information Highway blues.

My head spins from Virtual Reality.

I don't have Video on demand.

I can't read my Personal Newspaper,

And Shop At Home has kinks.

I missed the on-ramp, to the Information Highway bluuuues.

I missed the onnnn-ramp, to the Information Highway blues.

Jack "Blues" Jung, Toronto, September 1994.

architect programmer
 
 
If architects had to work like programmers . . .

Dear Mr. Architect,

Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion.

My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.

To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of thses options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.

Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.

While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has.

I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's house he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularily the 75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.

You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can't happen very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.

PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.

PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.

aol addiction poem
 
 
My computer broke down.

It crashed and burned!

And for my AOL, I really yearned! I tried to stay busy...

And keep it off my mind.

It was worse than cigarettes, at least butts I can find!! So I went to Wal-Mart, and got on their pc.

The cashier in electronics was staring at me.

But I didn't care. I had to get on line! Check my mail, and see what buddies I can find.

I drew a crowd as I began to cry.

I couldn't find the password no matter how hard I tried! I need my AOL!! I got to have my fix!!

Go to my favorite places, check out some cool pics.

The cashier called Security! I heard her whisper low, "We have ourselves a Psycho here and she has got to go!"

Security rushed over. Not long did he stall.

Obviously he has never suffered from AOL withdrawal. He slapped cuffs on my wrists and threw me out the door!

Then he looked at me and said, "Don't come round here no more!"

I feel so embarrassed!! I have sunk so low! To be kicked out of Wal-Mart.... How low can I go?

So I'll try really hard now to rid myself of this affliction.

Get rid of these bad habits and my AOL addiction!


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