Business jokes

1. Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.
2. Has won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.
3. When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.
4. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
5. Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.
6. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeeez!" 295 times during the movie "The Net."
7. Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.
8. Their video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons.
9. Instead of the "Welcome" voice on AOL, you overhear, "Good Morning, Mr./Ms. President."
10. You hear them murmur, "Let's see you use that VISA card now, Professor "I-Don't-Give-A's-In-Computer-Science!"

Yo' mama so stupid, she filled out a job application and where it said, "Don't Write Below This Line," she wrote "Okay!"

Lem: 'I got fired from my job as a bank guard.'

Clem: 'That's awful. What happened?'

Lem: 'Well a thief came in to rob a bank. I drew my gun. I told him that if he took one more step, I'd let him have it.'

Clem: 'What did thief do then?'

Lem: 'He took one more step so I let him have it. I didn't want that stupid gun anyhow!'

Bill Gates dies, and ascends to the Pearly Gates to meet God. God immediately recognizes him and says to him "Bill Gates -- you're a great man. I shall give you a choice of either heaven or hell." Bill Gates tells God that he would like to see both before making a decision.

So God takes Bill Gates down to Hell, where there are beautiful, nubile bikini models, perfect weather, free drinks, and eternal happiness. "That doesn't seem so bad," says Gates. "Let's see Heaven now." God and Gates go to Heaven, which seems to be just a bunch of old, crusty angels flying around and sitting on a few clouds. "I've made my decision," says Gates. "I choose Hell."

Six months later, God goes down to Hell to check on him and finds him hanging above a pit of fire with wild harpies tearing out his intestines. "What happened to all the bikini models and the sun and the fun?" Gates screams. "Oh, that," says God. "That was just the demo."