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College


signs you have a hangover
 
 
  1. You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's pets.
  2. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "stay still."
  3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as chugging a glass of fresh paint.
  4. You'd rather have a pencil jammed up your nose than be exposed to sunlight.
  5. You set aside an entire morning to spend some quality time with your toilet.
  6. You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
  7. The bathroom reminds you of a carnival barker shouting, "Step right up and give it whirl!"
  8. All day long your motto is, "Never again."
  9. You could purchase a new bike just by recycling the bottles around your bed.
  10. Your natural response to "Good morning," is "Shut up!"
harvard, yale, and urinal etiquette
 
 
A Harvard and Yale Law grad met in a washroom during a law convention.
The Harvard graduate said, "Didn't they teach you to wash your hands at Yale?"
The Yale grad responded, "They taught us not to piss on our hands."
if resumes told the truth
 
 
OBJECTIVE
To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor for eight hours, occasionally looking attentive when approached by a superior.

EDUCATION
School: Very Expensive
Major: Not Important
GPA: Don't Ask

EMPLOYMENT
NETWORK MANAGEMENT (9/96-Present) Produced daily itinerary of television programs to watch. Duties included changing channels, avoiding infomercials, and staying tuned after those messages.
DEBT CONSOLIDATION (4/97-12/99) Using various tools such as credit cards and borrowed cash, I managed to combine groups of unpaid bills into one monthly bill that goes straight to my father.
RESIDENT INHALER (9/98-6/99) Assisted all students with chemical intake from purchasing to exhaling.

COMPUTER SKILLS
*Solitaire *Minesweeper *On/Off Repair Method HONORS AND AWARDS
*First Place in Miller Lite Funnel Tournament *Said Toast at brother's wedding *High Score on Theta Chi's Pin Ball Machine

For further references, contact my mother. For positive responses, please pose all questions as though you're considering me as a law school applicant.

fratboy
 
 
What do you call a fratboy in a suit?

The defendant.


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