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stoner shopping trip
 
 
A stoner walks into a gas station and asks the dude at the counter, "Got any weed?" The man politely replied, "Um, no sir. We do not sell marijuana here." So he left.

The same guy comes back the next day and says, "Got any weed?" The man behind the counter, although slightly annoyed, patiently replied, "No sir. We don't sell marijuana." So the man went home.

He goes once again to the gas station. And again, he says to the guy working there, "Got any weed?" By this time the other dude was pissed. He yells, "You freakin' refer-lovin', pot-head burn-out! I told you, we don't sell that crap here! If you ever come back in here asking for that filthy crap again, I'll nail your freaking feet to the floor. Got it? Now beat it before I call the cops." So the stoner left.

The next day he went back to the same old place with a dopey smile on his face. He went to the cashier and said, "Got any nails?" The man hesitated, then replied, "um, no. . . sir, we don't sell nails here." The stoner grinned. "Got any weed?"

law school graduation gift
 
 
Q: What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?

A: A lobotomy.

lightbulb
 
 
Q: How many law professors does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

signs you're watching too much tv
 
 
  1. The bumper sticker on your car reads: "What Would Dawson Do?"
  2. In the middle of an exam, you tell the professor you want to use a lifeline.
  3. You need to be tranquilized when the cable goes out.
  4. In the late evening, you look forward to sitting back and catching the latest informercial.
  5. If you're a witness to an argument, you instinctually shout, "Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!"
  6. You try to impress the opposite sex by saying, "Hey, I get 120 channels!"
  7. Your entire CD collection consists of "Greatest Hits" albums by the decade.
  8. You have a gold-plated "clicker."
  9. Your intellectual discussions all stem from The Discovery Channel.
  10. After 15 minutes of work, you need a two-minute break.

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