College jokes

10. See me after class.
9. Did you even read the material?
8. It's a C, but it's a strong C.
7. Fascinatingly convoluted.
6. My, what nice, big margins!
5. You must've been up all last night.
4. The book ends differently than the movie.
3. Spelling requires more than just sounding it out.
2. Are you familiar with the term "plagiarism"?
1. Tell your mom to try harder.

Fail a class? Drop one too many? Don't worry about it. In order to keep money flowing into our institution we've created a summer program that any slacker could pass.

New Course Offerings for the Summer Session: THEORIES OF TIC-TAC-TOE: Should you pick X or O? The answer isn't as complicated as you might think once you've learned the theory. Learn techniques that the pros use, and play with confidence. Pre-Requisite: the movie "War Games"

THE DECLINE OF ROMAN ORGASMS: What happened to the pleasure of the Roman woman after 33 A.D.? Using archeological evidence and experiences from her own marriage, Dr. Lisa Cecil uncovers an entire era of faking it. Pre-Requisite: Bitter Relationship

DRAWING CONCLUSIONS: Using our creative instinct to doodle on things labeled "work," we'll literally draw conclusions. Pre-Requisite: Motor Skills

MUSIC TO THE EARS: Like the Sound of Music? How about the sound of doing nothing for two hours a day for credit? Pre-Requisite: FOOD TO THE STOMACH also, be on the lookout for . . .

THE ORIGINS OF BEGINNINGS -- An Introductory Course THUMBS UP, THUMBS DOWN: post-modern film criticism THE ECONOMICS OF ARCADES: finding change for a dollar THE STATISTICS OF POLLS -- A survey course.

1. You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's pets.
2. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "stay still."
3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as chugging a glass of fresh paint.
4. You'd rather have a pencil jammed up your nose than be exposed to sunlight.
5. You set aside an entire morning to spend some quality time with your toilet.
6. You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
7. The bathroom reminds you of a carnival barker shouting, "Step right up and give it whirl!"
8. All day long your motto is, "Never again."
9. You could purchase a new bike just by recycling the bottles around your bed.
10. Your natural response to "Good morning," is "Shut up!"

The dean of a women's college, addressing her charges, concluded, "...and remember, young ladies, you represent not only your own honor but that of the school. When approached by young men, ask yourself: Is an hour's pleasure worth a lifetime of disgrace? Now, are there any questions?"

A young lady immediately raised her hand and said, "Tell me, how do you make it last an hour?"