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clemson wedding -- a long, true story
 
 
This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. This was a huge wedding with over 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage and took the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and groom's families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception. To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. Taped to the bottom of everyone's chair (even the chairs of the wedding party) was a manila envelope. He said that was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open their envelopes.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride. (He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding.) After he stood there and watched the people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said 'F--- you !' he then turned to the bride and said 'F--- you !' and then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said..... 'Thanks, I'm out of here.'

He had the marriage annulled first thing that Monday morning. While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway as if nothing was wrong. His revenge: 1) Making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception. 2) Letting everyone know exactly what did happen. 3) And best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of all of their friends, their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, nieces and nephews, etc.... Ya gotta love this guy.

one-armed jock
 
 
An English professor told her students that there would be no excuse for not showing up for their final exam, except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. A smartass jock in the back of the room asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said, "You can write with your other hand."

signs you have a hangover
 
 
  1. You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's pets.
  2. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "stay still."
  3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as chugging a glass of fresh paint.
  4. You'd rather have a pencil jammed up your nose than be exposed to sunlight.
  5. You set aside an entire morning to spend some quality time with your toilet.
  6. You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
  7. The bathroom reminds you of a carnival barker shouting, "Step right up and give it whirl!"
  8. All day long your motto is, "Never again."
  9. You could purchase a new bike just by recycling the bottles around your bed.
  10. Your natural response to "Good morning," is "Shut up!"
harvard, yale, and urinal etiquette
 
 
A Harvard and Yale Law grad met in a washroom during a law convention.
The Harvard graduate said, "Didn't they teach you to wash your hands at Yale?"
The Yale grad responded, "They taught us not to piss on our hands."

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