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texan poetry
The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a San Francisco State University graduate from an upper-crust family; well-bred, well-connected and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Texas A & M. Go figure.

The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word “Timbuktu.”

The San Francisco State graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem:

“'Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination -- Timbuktu.”

The audience went wild! How, they wondered if the redneck could top that?! The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:

“Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They was three, we was two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu”

once there was a blonde who wanted to prove ...
Once there was a blonde who wanted to prove to people that she wasn't just a dumb blonde. So she asked her friend "how could I show people I'm not just a dumb blonde?"

Her friend says, "First learn all the provinces and their capitals."

So that week the blonde learned them. The next week she was at a party and a man asked a question. The blonde says, "I know the anwser!"

Then the man said " What would you know? You're just a dumb blonde?"

Then the blonde says, "I'll have you know I'm not just a dumb blonde, I know all the provinces and their capitals."

Then the man said, " Okay, Saskatchewan."

The blonde started to grin.

"What are you grinning about?" said the man.

The blonde said, "Easy. S."

scary stages of college
me figuring out that you only need a 54% to pass the final than you have actually spent studying.

3. The college drunk confronts you and says: "Don't you think you should get to work now?"

4. Your study schedule is based on the rationale that you "might" actually die before the test!

5. Your parents inquire about your grades and you sing the Cookie Monster song: "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me..."

6. Mom calls to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Get off my back, b*#%h!"

One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, 'There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don't fear anything.'

After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. He then told the class to do the same.

After hesitating, they all did it.

'Next,' the professor said, 'you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger.'

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